Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Double Rainbows

"Today is a beautiful day. I go forward with an open heart into the expanse of universal abundance and welcome the flow of love and joy."

That was my Facebook status quote as I left my house for the day earlier this morning. I had no idea, really, what was in store then and could have never orchestrated the magic that was to follow.

It started when my mentor with whom I was doing professional trade today texted and said she NEEDED a latte and would be a few minutes late to her house where our appointment would be. "Good! I'll slow down then," I replied, laughing. I showed up at her house about 10 minutes later to find her car in the driveway. I knocked on her door. Long pause while I listened to the bees and the birds busily working away on this beautifully clear and hot day. The door opened and... before me stood a stranger whom I felt I should know but didn't recognize. Her face mirrored my feeling of disorientation. I had no idea Megan had gotten a new roommate. I've been out of the loop for a long time.

Julie invited me in. We sat down in the living room and began to get acquainted. As she talked, revealing her story to me as I asked leading questions, I realized why Megan was so late. I needed to get to know Julie. WOW!

Then Megan returned home and we chatted for another half hour, the three of us. When our "session" time officially started, it was noon - an hour passed our planned starting time. We went out onto the porch to start my session while sitting in the porch swing, gently rocking, laughing and processing. Behind us, a Robin Redbreast noisily thrashed through the ivy with a juicy fat worm dangling from her mouth. We watched her feed an equally fat bird of another breed, feeling surprised that the meal was not for her babies and Megan said, "Maybe they're mates."

All around us, the world was alive with life and creative energy. The fruit trees were heavy-laden with an eventual harvest. The flowering bushes were vibrant and the grass was lush. I shared with her that I feel so ready to step into who I am, while at the same time feeling scared to do so. The scared part of me is running the show and, especially, running my money. As I spoke, one of the lines that I said was, "The money must stop." I was floored by the indications as we explored what would happen if I owned that I felt that way... what would happen if the money did stop... what would my experience be?

My life has been a series of lessons to gain, I believe, an understanding of love and a complete compassion for humanity. Most of my lessons have been painful to an unbelievable degree. I've learned by living it and I realized in that moment as I sat there swaying with her that I'm ready to live compassionately for all of humanity - even the homeless - without actually fully experiencing that life.

I've been homeless and destitute in many ways. I'm actually, technically, homeless and destitute now - no place of my own, no belongings and no income. And in that awareness came the dawning knowledge that this state of destitute homelessness is the greatest disguise to hide behind. It is a cloak of invisibility. Homeless people are very difficult to locate because they have no address. I'm trying to hide. Enough.

I also uncovered my belief of struggle for all things financial. That I'm running my generational belief pattern that life must be hard and money must be scarce. I also revealed that I strongly feel my entire generation has worked itself into a financial hole from which it is going to be so difficult to recover and something has really got to change. I'm ready.

As we walked through the unwinding, unprogramming and reprogramming process, I felt my engines revving and my energy building. I had heat waves and energy coursing through me as I grew and expanded. The last thing I said in the process was, "I accept and love that I am now ready and willing to break the rules in outrageous and new ways," which set into motion the final unwinding of my belief that I had to be good and follow all the rules all the time and that, if I'm going to "be bad" and "break the rules" (read: follow my curiosity) then I needed to do it behind closed doors, in the dark and where no one could see me.

I released my belief that succeeding and having financial abundance was "bad". I released my beliefs that I had to hide to "be bad" and I released myself from carrying any further the load of my generational beliefs of struggle. I released myself from poverty. I released myself from homelessness. I released myself from invisibility. And I claimed my power.

And then... the HUGEST bumblebee came out of nowhere and flew straight toward me, its energy and intention hitting me squarely in the heart chakra like an arrow. It hovered for a few moments 12 inches in front of me. Just long enough for me to be absolutely certain that it was there then it buzzed off and disappeared.

Bumblees are not meant to fly. Science cannot explain why they do. Their wings are too small for the size of their body. The body is too big and not aerodynamic enough to fly. And, yet, they fly.

None of that escaped me in that moment.

From there I travelled to a friend's house for dinner and a movie. Several people whom I love dearly were also there and the room abounded with love and appreciation. We watched Invictus and in that movie, I heard a quote from Nelson Mandela that sprung me the rest of the way open into full transformation: "If I cannot change when circumstances demand it, how can I expect it of others?"

Love and joy, gratitude and abundance, flow and peace surrounded me today in such massive amounts, there was no way I could ignore it. And I created this!

The drive home brought another awareness and shift in my openness when I looked at a picture I'd recieved of my daughter and her stepmom. It was a joyful, loving picture and the last remaining vestiges of struggle with what WAS released and I soared on wings of freedom from bondage. As I got ready to turn in for the night, I spoke with my mom while feeling so full of love and gratitude. I was overflowing... I had no hope for stopping the tears. Such love! Such joy! Such fullness!

And then, there in the middle of all that joy and love and fullness, the heavens roared and flashed, the skies opened up, the rain fell and a double rainbow danced across the sky - at first crossed at the lower part, something I've never seen before. There, at the end of my magical day was that beautiful reminder that He will never forsake me.

Life IS good!

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Appreciation #197

*Sleeping in this morning, because that is what my body wanted. *Feeling curious. *The new surround-sound stereo system my brother rigged up for my dad. Feels like I'm sitting in a concert hall when I listen to the stereo or the television now. *Soft, quiet Sundays. I feel really grateful that my Sundays are soft and quiet again. *Good music from good Broadway musicals. Specifically, Les Miserables. I'd love to see that show again! I've seen it twice on stage when the Broadway touring company has come through town. *Feeling hopeful. It's nice to have that feeling back again. ~ I. AM. ALIVE!

Grace in Small Things

Friday, January 29, 2010

Update on Where I Am

An update on where I am in a short list of things I've been learning.

*When people I deeply love choose out of relationship with me for whatever reason and go away, I feel it like a huge gaping space in my world. In the past, I've filled that emptiness with thoughts of "What did I do wrong? How can I fix it? How can I make this better? What can I do to bring this back together again." Things have shifted for me though. Now it looks like this: I'm feeling sad. Big, deep sad. There's a wave of it. There's another wave of it. And... it is what it is. I loved big. I loved fully. There were lessons learned AND it is all exactly perfect. There is nothing for me to do except keep loving me and move forward. I feel grateful to be witnessing this shift in me.

*I'm afraid of "open space." When I hear my mentor, Megan Sillito, speak of open space, it sounds comforting and exciting. When I pull it through my brain and try to create it, it feels overwhelming, huge, scary, far too vast for me. I have found myself frozen because right now my life IS open space. I didn't realize that I was so terrified of the term "open space" until last night, when I sat with Megan and said, "There is SO MUCH open space in front of me, I can't do anything." Thank you, Megan for sitting with me and being present while I reprogramed myself. I feel grateful for the perceptible shift I can feel in my life, in my body even right now with this brand new thinking pattern.

*I am love. I am blessed with having the ability to feel sensations of love viscerally through my body. I am blessed with the ability to love even when it's not the "popular choice" and, in that space of love, there is healing. I feel grateful to know that so solidly about myself.

*Even if I feel humanly lonely, I am never alone. Thank You, Lord, for that gift.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Recapturing My Blessings

So I started out this year, 2010, full of hope and excitement. Today is Wednesday, January SIXTH and I'm already faltering. I find it really interesting how quickly I can lose track of myself as I move through the experiences I'm creating. I feel SO scared and SO sad about what is in my near future.

Now, truthfully, I know that *I* am the creator of my reality. And, sadly, I've created a reality that is scary, difficult and lonely right now. And, at this point, I'm taking myself back to square one and CHOOSING to focus on the basics. It seems that, time and again, I've missed a few blocks in my foundation. Soooo... I start over. My building cannot stand on an unstable foundation and, as I'm crumbling down around myself, I'm realizing that sometimes foundations have to be completely dismantled before a long-standing structure can be built. Sometimes, even many, many times.

And, truth be known, the future isn't here and a lot can change between now and then. I know this. And I AM in the present. Right now. And in this moment, I CAN focus on what I'm blessed with...

I'm blessed with a room in my father's warm house wherein my daughter and I can sleep safely in a soft bed.
I'm blessed with a fully functioning body and a creative mind.
I'm blessed with the gift to hold space for large groups of people wherein we are focused on positive thoughts and transformation.
I'm blessed with artistic ability.
I'm blessed with knowing.
I'm blessed with a keen mind.
I'm blessed with a loving heart.
I'm blessed with a sharp eye.
I'm blessed with the gift of motherhood.
I'm blessed with a lot of people who love me.
I'm blessed with the ability to cry and laugh.
I'm blessed with a car that is runs well, gets good gas mileage and is fairly new.
I'm blessed with unemployment benefits.
I'm blessed with a few dollars in my wallet and a few in my checking account.
I'm blessed with this laptop and my father's WIFI.
I'm blessed with big lessons and big learnings and big stretches and big successes.
I'm blessed with the ability to breathe on my own.
I'm blessed with glimpses of what will be.
I'm blessed with a box of several sets of contacts so I won't run out for a long time.
I'm blessed with clothes that fit.
I'm blessed with the ability to walk, run, dance and leap.
I'm blessed with an amazing family.
I'm blessed with a cell phone.
I'm blessed with blankets and pillows and slippers.
I'm blessed with the privilege of a hot shower or bath.
I'm blessed with the ability to read and write.
I'm blessed with a passion to teach.
I'm blessed with all five (six) well-working senses.
I'm blessed with a few very close friends with whom I can be myself.
I'm blessed with an open heart.
I'm blessed with hair on my head and I usually like the way it looks.
I'm blessed with healthy breasts.
I'm blessed with the ability to rest and sleep well.
I'm blessed with BEING ALIVE!

I feel grateful.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Let it Rock!



The night was every description of perfect. Amazing weather. Beautiful people. Energy that was soothing AND energizing at the same time. People showed up in droves and stayed most of the night. Everywhere I turned, there was the face of someone I loved. People loved my art and went home with their favorite piece - or pieces. It was an astounding experience.

This morning, as I prepare this update for you, I feel a curious mixture of heavy, unmovable and alert. I am experiencing myself today with the sensation of being full of cement, my body being reluctant to bend and sway. After the exhilaration of last week which showed up as the inability to sleep for several nights, I imagine that is the biggest reason why I am feeling the effect of gravity with monumental intensity.

I feel so blessed to have created this breathtaking experience for myself and those who chose in to experiencing it with me. I had people show up that were friends of friends, that I had never met before. I had blogging friends show up (Hi, Lynn!) that I had no idea would be in attendance and felt so excited to meet. I had many of my ALC buddies there and they stayed for the bulk of the night, adding laughter and connection to the event. My local, immediate family members were all there. And, how cool is this???! Three different people I knew from high school and haven't seen since, showed up simply because they had seen my information on facebook and felt excited to support me! Two of my beautiful friends (Hi, Liz and Nichol!) showed up first thing and stayed all the way through, offering me a home base where I could touch down and regroup every now and then. My former husband, his wife and his architectural designer friends came and, a little later, one of his employee's and his wife and step daughter did too. My lifetimes-long soul connection (Love you!) also offered his presence and strength, warming my heart and holding me up with his smile.

By the end of the night, my emotions were running so full, I was overflowing. There were no words. I could only cry. The love and the appreciations bubbled out of me in tears as people hugged me good night. I felt kerfuffled and, yet, peaceful. It was the most complete I have felt in a long while and I created it all! The feedback I received from practically everyone was, "You are radiating love and glowing. You are absolutely beautiful."

My mentors, Megan and Annabeth, as they were leaving both hugged me close. I could feel their appreciation and, knowing how much they have witnessed of my journey, I knew they could feel what I was experiencing. Annabeth could only say over and over, "This is SO big! I'm so proud of you! I love you!"

Megan stood in front of me and asked, "How do you feel?"

There were no words, however. So I showed her. She gets my body-movement language and I showed her what I was feeling as tears ran down my face. She smiled and said, "Draw that, Ang! Create that image. That is your million dollar piece of art!"

Indeed it is! Talk about a night of continual chivels!!!

I've said it before and I'm gonna say it again now... LIFE IS GOOD!

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Outward

"Outward and Onward" - ©Angie K. Millgate 2009

I have a feeling building within me that is moving outward. I feel this culminating energy... the results of years of "keepin' on keepin' on" that is gaining momentum as I move forward, step by small step. I have a burgeoning excitement that seems to be simmering at all times. That, if I take a moment to go within, I can see her there, glimmering continually. At times, she gains fuel and spontaneously errupts into flame. At others, she patiently awaits and continues to provide gentle heat and light. I can feel I am on the right path as I watch my small efforts create huge waves. I can see the effects I am having on myself and the lives of those around me. I can see how my investment is beginning to return back to me.

I feel blessed to be aware enough of what I am creating to be able to witness it as I am creating it. I feel grateful that I am building an empire one patient brick at a time, especially since patience has rarely been a virtue I believed I possessed. I feel joy and peace filling the cells of my body as I watch people line up with me and behind me to go forward together. I see the shimmering outline of my vision coming together and that is a scene is jubiliant, indeed. I feel excited to be having revealed the answers to my long ago spoken questions. I feel anticipation for rounding the corner and into the vision I have held onto for years.

As I go forward faithfully, watching the bricks be laid and the pavers be set, I give thanks to the universe for supporting me, my mentors for going before me and myself for having the courage to do that which I know I must and, especially, for the times when I just keep going forward when I have absolutely no idea why or how.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Afterglow

Soooooo... I was going through my "edit posts" screen and found this post that never got posted. It was originally written on 12/18/08...

I've discovered that when I allow myself to go fully through the emotions in that moment that I come out of it really quickly and am able to find the light and breath of life with ease. My mentors have often said that, if you allow your emotion to be fully expressed at the time it arises it will move through in a matter of as little as 20 seconds and only as long as 20 minutes, versus the 20 or so years that some people take to move an emotion. I have pondered that a lot and have tested it, finding it to be true. True, honest, core emotions - sad, fear, anger - can move through in lightning speed if I allow it.

My journey through anger and sadness yesterday was a roller coaster ride. That is another thing I have discovered. Emotions can come in waves, especially when a "trigger" keeps reappearing. I spent most of my day yesterday feeling the emotions all the way through and then seeking compassion for the mother who was having a conniption over the illegal-ness of my class proposal.

See... her husband has been battling cancer for eight years. She is working full time, supporting him, supporting their child and spearheading one of the most visible and busy committees in the school. I imagine she's tired and scared and strung out thinner than even she realizes. I imagine that the slightest speck of dust in her precisely-oiled wheel of life causes great consternation. My forward-thinking proposal for an elective class - on a topic she doesn't believe in or understand (and, let's face it, that a majority of the US does not believe in or understand and finds highly controversial) - was a huge clump of dust flying at her spokes.

I get that she felt scared for the school. I understand that she is looking out for the welfare of our amazing Open Classroom, protecting us from "bad media" and the State Legislature breathing down our necks. So, I now understand the fuel that was propelling that monstrous outburst yesterday.

After talking about my proposal all day long yesterday with so many different people, I feel excited for what's around the corner. There will be endless discussions with numerous committees and lawyers over the next few weeks while we, who are in full support of this class, move forward to bring it to pass. It won't be on the roster for the second semester. However, I am confident we will get it there for the third semester and the response is going to be overwhelming. Because, as we have seen with controversial movies and such, publicity about something being controversial raises interest. I know that with big change comes huge resistance. Therefore, I am thinking I must be totally on to something. I have opened the floodgates of evolution and feel excited for the journey forward.

Stay tuned...

And... in other news...

In the midst of all the drama yesterday, I had a moving experience with the children of the Open Classroom. We walked several blocks to The Leonardo museum to view the BodyWorlds3 Exhibit. I had no idea how I was going to react to the human bodies. However, when I walked in, I was breathless with wonder and awe and surprised by the immense beauty of the human creation. I found myself tearful and reverent and worshipful as I meandered from body to body, gazing at the miraculous construction of the human form from within.

Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks as my daughter and I walked through the Fetus room, looking at fetuses in stages from 5 days to 35 weeks. That room had been deemed "too controversial" so the children were not able to enter unless their parent was a chaperone that day. My daughter was grateful I was there and she leaned over to me and whispered, "I can feel Adrianna here." The babies were serenely beautiful and I felt a deep yearning to touch each one, love them and hold them.

I felt grateful and fully, magically human as I walked through the displays of bodies that no longer showed age or stress. They were just there, on display, in all their original, mysterious majesty and I was moved. I felt grateful that someone had discovered plastination and completely wide-eyed, jaw-dropped engrossed in every display, especially those that contained the circulatory system. I love that some man's imagination (Gunther von Hagens, Institute for Plastination, Heidelberg, Germany) led to this amazing exhibit. What a generous gift he has given the world and all who are willing to partake.

It was a strangely awe-inspiring day yesterday, from beginning to end. And I love that I can go through all that I did and still go to bed (early) last night with a contented smile on my face.

Life IS good!

Slow Moving

It's Christmas Eve. Yesterday, Christmas Eve Eve, was spent mostly with my former husband, chaperoning him as he did Santa shopping for our daughter. While it was tiring and slow-going, it was also full of laughter. Surprising, actually.

Today I feel the need to nestle in and be slow. While I will be going to work sometime this morning, I am honoring that nesting feeling and taking my time. (And, apparently, spending a little time here on my blog and facebook! LOL)

I feel happy to have gone through this Christmas season with the true sense of what this holiday is about. I feel grateful I have surrendered to the "no money" state of being and have not gone crazy with present buying. I feel relaxed and peaceful and loving.

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sparkling...

It snowed really hard a few days ago and, as I was driving into my office to meet a client, I noticed that the snow on the side of the road is no longer sparkling. It's more gray-brown than anything and looks really beat up. I imagined though, as I passed the piles in a blur of grayness, if I were to take the time to lift that top layer, I would find snow that was still sparkling and pristinely white.

I realized that people are like that too. That, sometimes, life just gets heavy and dark and we tend to wear it on our faces. I know that I have had that haunted, exhausted, life-just-isn't-going-too-well-right-now look on my face often - more often than I care to really look at. I know that, in those moments, I have felt every single teeny-tiny movement of my body as being excrutiatingly huge and laborious.

It is during those times that I forget what life is truly about. I forget that life can be easeful. I forget that life can be magical. I forget that life, my life, is a gift... a big, beautiful, creative gift. And I get weighed down by the outer, crusty layer that is taking on all the crap floating around me in my universe. Sometimes, I get so bogged down by it all that I forget that I can choose to shake it off, lift that crusty layer and breathe.

I am grateful to be breathing today. Great big, easeful breaths. And I am grateful that, today, I have shaken off the schmultz and I am sparkling.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Listening...

A few months ago, I was hired to do a product photo shoot and I found an amazing house to host it in that was in a development that defies middle-income housing imagination. This home has been unoccupied since its completion for various reasons and has sat empty for almost a year. It is a perfect place for spirits to dwell uninterrupted.

We spent several days at the site and got to know quite well the feeling of the presences that live there now. There were spaces in the home where I knew I was walking through a portal, a doorway to the other dimensions. There were spaces where I knew they gathered and other spaces where I knew they did not. When we opened all the doors after the cleaners left that last night, there was much rejoicing and celebration. We danced with them and they were pleased. I could feel them land airily on my hand and we were treated to a particular, specific and located scent to let even the most skeptical of us know the spirits were truly there. My daughter was excited to be able to see the lights and be with me during the experience so she could learn to love it, rather than fear it.

That night, when my daughter and I returned home, I felt a presence move in the darkened living room. Not wanting to startle my daughter, I didn't verbally acknowledge it. I didn't even turn toward it because I knew that I would not be able to see it. Because I rely on my primary vision so strongly, my secondary vision - the vision that allows one to see spirits and auras - has difficulty taking over. However, because I am an energy worker, I notice the slightest change in the energy around me.

Moments later, as I settled into a hot bath, my daughter was standing in the hall staring into the living room, wide-eyed and sheet white.

"Momma..." she whispered, careful to not move a muscle or even turn away from whatever she had glimpsed. "There is someone here with us."

She had spotted the entity. I have known all her life that she was able to see the spirits around us. Often times their presence scared her. I had felt grateful for our earlier experience of love and ease. She stood stalk still, barely breathing when, suddenly, I heard the young voice speaking to me as if from within and without in a language I did not understand.

"It's okay, honey. He's lost."

"It's a little boy, Momma." She dared a quick glance at me.

"I know, honey. He got attached to me when I walked through that portal area in the Holy Shit! room."

She giggled at my irreverence and looked at me for a longer moment. "What do we do?"

I listened to his words, my mind somehow translating the foriegn words into something I could speak aloud to her. "He needs to find his Mom. Honey, you're going to have to open the door and point him toward the east so he can head back to where he came from."

"I'm scared. Momma."

She timidly walked toward him, talking to him in a voice that was much younger than her earthly age, matching his very young energy. She lovingly told him she was going to show him how to get back to his momma because this momma here was her momma.

She opened the door and squealed with delight. "Momma! He went! In a great big burst of light like a comet, he went!"

She came into the bathroom and sat down on the floor beside the tub, eyes wide and face full of brilliance. "That was so cool! How come you could hear him and I couldn't?"

"My story is is because I am used to listening for messages from other worlds, other dimensions because of the work I do. Also, I couldn't see him. You could."

I think about that experience a lot and feel excited to be living in a world where I feel safe and strong amongst entities from beyond. I feel peaceful to know that my daughter is growing up in a world where that ability is embraced and welcomed, rather than shunned such as it was when I was growing up. I feel grateful to know that I have come so far in my life that I am able to support and encourage her in her abilities and help her explore further into what she is capable of doing, being.

Yeah. I like my life. I feel blessed!

Monday, December 15, 2008

A Breath and A Sigh

In appreciation for all the comment support and email support I received from my cyber friends, I send out a warm burst of love.

Today... I feel quiet and physically tired. I realize, now, just how strong I truly am. I am also aware of how much my body carried for others during this past week. My muscles feel as though I spent the entire week at a gym.

My life is a blessing to behold. I am grateful to be living it and to be witnessing the gifts that flow through my path. I am amazed by the journey from sadness to full happiness to gratitude to sadness. Part of being alive is actually feeling all that and I am grateful to say that I did. I am.

Blessed be, my friends. And, thank you so much!

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Lovingly

I feel loving today. I feel magical and beautiful and flowing and vibrant. I feel creative and magnetic and abundant and curious. I feel grateful to be a mother of an inquisitive daughter. I feel blessed to be a part of the process of creating a Genius Community with my mentors. I feel excited to have an awareness of the daily miracles of my life. I feel alive and brilliant and glorious.

I feel loving today. Loving myself. Loving my biological family and parents. Loving my family of choice and dear friends. Loving that I can say I am building close, lasting friendships with conscious people who reflect to me the beauty within me. Loving my education and my healing powers and my wisdom. Loving those who bravely went before me and those who will courageously follow me.

I feel loving today.

And I want to share it with the world.

Blessed be.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Completions

On Tuesday night, we began a 3-week series in Life Skills called "Completions" in preparation for the New Year. The object is this: go into the New Year with a clean, clear slate. What a novel idea! It was tossed to us, if we were willing, to make a commitment to completions. I would venture to guess there was about 40-50 people in the room and the energy was enormous! So many people focusing on completing anything that may be left hanging open! It's exciting.

That night, I made a commitment, which I want to out here to the world:

I commit to becoming masterful at completions and to clearing anything that may be blocking my way from doing so in easeful, fun and loving ways.

The most interesting thing has happened since then... things are showing up to complete that I had no idea were even out there - things that were sparked in several other people in that room, who also committed to getting complete, which involved me. No idea!!! I feel excited that I am in commitment to complete. I am really excited that I have created a safe space wherein others can approach me in arenas that could be potentially scary for them to get complete with me. I am grateful that I have come that far in my progression that I am trusting myself to complete and, therefore, I am attracting in others who are wanting to get complete too and feel safe doing that with me now.

I love it when I can see the very visible effects of playing with the Universe in the creation of my life. I love that my request of the Universe at the beginning of the year, "I'm tired of creating relationships that reflect back only the 'bad' about me. I commit to creating relationships that reflect the 'good' about me," is showing up in full color! I love that I am a safe space for myself and others.

DAMN! I FEEL HAPPY AND JOYFUL AND FULL!

This is fuckin' awesome stuff, man!!!

Blessed be.

Playing for Change

One of my most favorite things about my life, about being alive at this time on this planet ,is that our modern technology has a way of connecting people in ways that have never before been available to us. I love that my life is rich with people from all walks of life, from all around the world. I am grateful that I am fed so completely by my interactions with people whom I may never meet face to face, but love nonetheless. I love that there are more and more of us seeking to create a change through 100% honesty, accountability, genius, creativity and through, most importantly, love.

I was visiting one of my friend's blogs today, Cele, and now find myself sitting here with tears running down my face. I am so touched by the magic of this life and the beauty that can be found all around the world. I had never heard of this program, Playing for Change, before and am grateful to Cele for posting this video, which introduced me to it.

I am so full of love and appreciation...

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gratitude-Full

I am excited to begin my day. My creative juices are flowing and I feel magical. When that happens, I want to run with it. So I'm gonna.

It felt important and appropriate, though, that I take a moment to post my thanks on this day, especially.

I am thankful.

Fully.

Completely.

Thankful.

Blessed be.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

TT - "Gratitude"


Nothing can evoke my gratitude more strongly than spending time with my loved ones. Last night, I had the honor of supporting one of my very good friends, Mary Tebbs, as she performed her new show Make it Light. Not only did I get to be there as her friend, I also got to be there as the official photographer. Magic!

The more I play with my camera, the more I realize how much I love it. One of my friends recently told me that she experiences me so differently when I have my camera in my hands. She said she sees me as very young and playful and that, rather than hiding behind the camera as many photographers do, it becomes a toy that is part of the action and through which I interact with life.

I have so much for which to be grateful. In thinking back over my life, I have realized that my gratitude is coming first and foremost in my life. I feel happy about that. I have so many friends and loved ones in my world that enhance my life and bring me to getting to know myself completely. As I look at my life through the eyes of gratitude, everything becomes beautiful. Everything is a miracle. Everywhere there is magic.

Gratitude, indeed!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Learning About Me

Every day has become a journey, a space in time where I am becoming and learing about becoming. I am creating a life wherein I am in love and joy and peace. I am embracing and receiving and stretching and growing. I am creating. I am healing. I am living.

Just a little over a year ago, I faced the choice of whether I wanted to live or die. For two days, I sat in that space and wondered... do I REALLY want to be here?

I chose in to my life. I chose in to being alive. And oh! What a difference that has made!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Crystal Clear



I awoke this morning to a blindingly clear sky and felt my heart sing. The beauty of this day is stunning and I am so excited for what lies ahead. Today is my first official opportunity as a photographer to do a wedding. I have done several weddings as practice throughout the years. This, however, happens to be a paying gig in one of the most beautiful settings in Utah for a wedding. Go HERE if you would like to view the gorgeous property where I will be all day.

I feel so blessed to be living a life I love. I feel so grateful to have created a life I love! And, most of all... I am grateful for my LIFE!

I!
AM!
ALIVE!

Blessed be.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Beautiful!

My goodness! It is soooooo beautiful here today. Snow and all. I was just in the avenues and was able to smell the cedar burning in fireplaces, moisture in the air and decomposing leaves. The ground was a blanket of brilliant autumn colors. I feel grateful that I am healthy and able to see, smell, hear and touch. Life is good!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Fridays

I remember a time when I used to look forward to Fridays, practically holding my breath and closing my eyes, paying no heed to where I was in the week until I woke up on the magically appointed day, each week, and heard the declaration: Thank God! It's Friday!

I remember losing time and ignoring my life.

I remember feeling angry that there weren't more Fridays and that, eventually, it was Monday again. I remember asking, "Why do we have to work five days and only have two days off?"

I remember the building anger within me and the resentment at when the day dawned on any day other than Friday.

Then, by the time I got to Friday, I was so keyed up with longing and angst, I had difficulty stepping into the joy of Friday. I would cram so much into my Friday evenings, Saturdays and Sundays that I would be thoroughly exhausted when it came to Monday, usually. During those weekends I would find myself surprised by the quickening approach of Monday and, somehwere Sunday afternoon, I would begin to dread and loathe the inevitable approach. There were other weekends where I pouted and held very still in hopes that the non-activity would make it so Monday never came. It still did.

I remember that time.

Now, most days, I wake up completely unaware of the time and space. Each day feels like Friday and I am grateful for that. I am aware that, now that I am truly living my life, I make of it what I choose. I also realize that I could have chosen this "every day is Friday" sort of thinking earlier on in my life. I chose, instead, to be miserably wrapped up in the obvious. I was comfortable there in that misery. I could have chosen gratitude and appreciation more fully while still working full time for someone else. I could have chosen to see each day as a gift. Instead, I continually set out to sabotage myself.

I feel grateful that I finally get it and I know that, for me, it took leaping off that cliff to find my wings and fly into a life of gratitude. Are you flying?

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