07-08-10 Surprises

My first surprise came very early this morning. I received a text from my brother - who doesn't text - that said, "Happy day happy happy happy beautiful day :)" Really and truly! What a wonderful way to start my day!

My second surprise was the opportunity to play Monopoly with my Kait for most of the day, teaching her strategy and planning skills for the game. She's catching on really good and said that the fact that I agreed to play FOUR times with her all day today, that was my surprise to her.

My third surprise was laughing with her until we were both crying. She gets hiccups really hard and, when she does, for some reason, it makes us both laugh really hard and then that makes her hiccups worse, which makes us laugh harder and round and round we go. Proof of our delirium is to follow in these cellphone video clips...

Laughter and Consciousness

Jen Halterman and I had a BLAST playing this morning on her radio show Everyday Joy. If you'd like to laugh, listen in on an intimate conversation, and gain some skills of consciousness, visit her archive at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Everyday-Joy-/2009/11/06/Everyday-Joy.

I'd love to have you reply back with your experience of our time.

Appreciation #160/365

*WOW! *Playing and playing and playing until the wee-er hours of the morning. Don't remember the last time I was up THAT late (early). *Laughing so hard, my abs hurt. *Finding humor and joy in the everyday things. *Playing games with a group of friends that requires 100% honesty and THAT is what makes it so fun. *"Upper Limit" games to discover how good the players can stand it and for how long. *Real fires in the fireplace. *Seeing the truest essence of all my friends emerge over a three-day stretch of time. -Loving who I am becoming and the life I am creating!

Grace in Small Things

Missing Word

It was a blistering hot evening, I was pumping my gas and feeling bored. I noticed I was watching the gallons and my money tick away on the tank and feeling anxious. I had never tuned in that closely before when filling my gas tank and I imagine that my feeling was not a new one.



Choosing to go into gratitude and appreciation, I began looking around me to find things I could appreciate. I turned to my right and glanced at the gas station's sign. While I understand what they were implying by leaving off the word "free," I found this advertisement hilarious and laughed until I had tears rolling down my cheeks.



Because, really... when you buy one, isn't the result usually that you get one?!

I certainly know how to entertain myself when I really put my mind to it!

Morning Laughter

Sometimes I like my exhusband. Especially those moments he makes me laugh so hard I attractively spew coffee through my nose. This morning we were driving away from the office of our corporate tax attorney and there were two ducks waddling across the road. He stomped on the brakes and swerved to miss them, muttering something under his breath. I glanced at him and he said, "I do everything in my power to miss ducks."

I waited for the response.

"When we were married, I was late to work and in a bad mood one morning," (I avoided the obvious comment from the peanut gallery here.)

"There was a duck crossing the road and I sped up to scare it, thinking it would fly away. It didn't. I hit it. I felt horrible. Then, when I got to work, there were literally fifteen ducks lined up in front of the entrance and they would NOT let me through the door. Seriously! Every time I stepped toward them they squawked and snapped at me. I think they heard I had hit their friend and they had rallied together to torture me. They made me ten minutes late to work. So, yeah. I avoid the ducks now. And dogs. And cats. And skunks."

Lots of coffee-boogers on that story.

Tell Me

What is wrong with this picture?

Creativity for Creativity's Sake

On Friday, I had the honor of doing a professional exchange with one of my mentors. She and I did back to back sessions - first, me as the client, then her. It was an amazingly powerful three hours!

During my turn as client, she recommended that I commit to being creative just for the sake of being creative and have it be something non-intellectual. Rather than resorting to ten minutes of creative writing, for instance, she suggested that I do ten minutes of silly dancing or spend that time making new sounds and face gestures.

I tried it this morning and, by the end of the ten minutes, I felt more energized than I have in a very long time. The idea behind this creativity for creativity's sake is to get the flood gates open to the universal flow of creative energy. I have learned about myself that, at very early age, my inborn, natural sense of creative curiosity was shamed. I have spent the rest of my life unable to truly play, be creative and be exploratory because my cells have carried the memory of "curiosity is B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-D!"

I will be honest. As I began the play this morning, I heard my head thinking This is stupid! This is a waste of time! You look like an idiot! You could be getting STUFF DONE right now instead of this pointless process. I listened to the voice and the words before contorting my body into an exaggeration of the words I was speaking to myself. I scrunched up my face in a foul grimace and stiffened my hands into horrendous claws. I slumped over and began grumbling and stomping around the living room in the largest expression of "ugly stupid" I could muster up.

Within moments, I was laughing hysterically. I felt so much better.

I realized that my brain is my own worst enemy. More often than not, it will tear me apart before it even stops to think that it could support me. The human brain is an amazing tool. I would like to reprogram mine to work for me, rather than against me. And they say that awareness is the first step toward change.

Bee-Bop

It is amazing how good I feel this morning.

I was in traffic that was at a dead-still stop on the freeway stuck between two double-length big rigs carrying gravel and beside a truck loaded with objects that looked like huge missiles or torpedoes. It was a complete parking lot, seemingly without reason. I was late. I have been late a lot. Sometimes having your former husband as your current boss does have it's perks. I imagine that if a "real life" boss got this text:


Late late late
I'm so very late
I'm stuck in traffic
And I'm late again
Late late late
Their response would not be:

It's good to have a sense of humor in times like these.
(Then again, I probably wouldn’t have sent that text to a “real life” boss. I probably would have called and begged forgiveness...)

Soooooo... I turned up my stereo and I sang and laughed right out loud. I danced as much as possible when constrained by a steering wheel and seatbelt. And, I got to work feeling fabulous.

It's a beautiful day outside and in.

ESL

Further proof that my world is being taken over by people with English as their second language...

The sign reads:

SALAD WITH STYLE
SOUTHWEST CHICKEN
SALAD

Editorial endnote.... Now that I have typed it all out and re-read it, it looks like what they are trying to say is, "Salad with style. Southwest Chicken Salad." Although I was reading it as a messed up version of "Salad with southwest style chicken." And, even though I think I have figured out what they are trying to say, I still think it looks wrong...

Laughing

What a fabulous way to start my day! My daughter read to me from her required reading book as we drove to work. And, at a stoplight, I glanced at the bumper in front of me to see:


I laughed silently, so as not to interrupt her reading. And now, sitting here at my desk, I am chortling right out loud.

I am excited. My boss found someone he thinks will be comfortable with me training and working her into my position so I can officially leave. She is coming in to interview at 10:00 am today.

It's a good day!

Laughter in the Morning

"Momma, look over there!" she piped up from the back seat in between a fit of giggles.

I glanced in the rear view mirror to see where she wanted me to look.

And then, there, to the right I spied a German Shepherd and a Black Lab wrestling, playing and jumping on a huge trampoline in someone's back yard.

No lie!

We laughed all the way to work and I am still giggling now.

I L-L-L-L-LOVE this movie!

No matter how many times I watch this movie, I laugh until my belly hurts. It is pure genius, in my humble opinion. After the day I have had, this laughing I am doing right now feels pretty damn great. I feel deliriously joyful. So nice...

WOW!

I feel JOY! I feel excited that I am opening to a life wherein I work with other forward-thinking geniuses that love to be in their authentic selves! I have had the most amazing morning and I want to share it quickly. (I know. Quickly is not like me! Wooohoo! Radically different!)

~I received an anonymous comment on my personal blog from someone who read my controversial Marching Morons post. It was so loving and receptive. I feel happy.

~While reading that comment, an email popped up from one of my newest business partners! She was abundantly offering her gifts to me as thanks for the gifts of me I had offered to her. I wept with joy and fullness and gratitude as I read the email.

~While reading that email, another email popped in my box from one of my ALC buddies. She wanted me to know she had been thinking about me. She called me "bright, courageous, and amazing" and I felt shy for a moment. Then, I read it again and felt happy and expansive.

~AND while reading that email, another email popped in my box from a friend of a friend. My friend forwarded one of my Meditations to her and she felt so moved by what she read that she promptly asked to be signed up. Then, six months later, she followed a link from my Meditation to my website, read about what I do and has become a regular client. This email was to tell me she has a friend who is a new client coming my way!!!

I feel SO JOYFUL AND EXCITED AND EXPANSIVE.

(*whispering* and a little scared that I am going to upper limit...)

Okay... that wasn't as short as I was thinking it would be. But it could have been much, much longer, folks!!! LOL

UPDATE!

So... I went to the bank and left my cell phone here at the office. During that fifteen minutes, my new client called to book an appointment! WOW! And... strangely... I am scared to call her back. What if the Universe actually delivers what I asked for, instead of the counter-commitments I am used to showing up?! AAAaaaaaaaaaa

Really?

So my friend, JMT, wrote a post which showed the level of education required for reading her blog. "They" said one would only need an elementary education. Curious about my own readability, I thought I would try it out.

Here's mine...

I firmly believe that the only reason my blog rated "older" than hers was because mine is peppered with foul language. LOL

Pieces of Me

It has been ages since I talked with someone on the phone for hours on end, laughing so hard I had tears trickling from the corner of my eyes and my voice grew hoarse.

He surprised me tonight by calling me. I had expected an email. Instead he called.

The conversation was deep, yet impersonal, perhaps as protection. Thing is, after all this time, he says things to me that I don't want to hear. He tells me his truths. He tells me how he sees me. Sometimes I am amazed at how closely he sees me. Tonight I discovered that he sees all the different Angies that are here now. He sees how they were created. He sees my truth. And he knows me.

I don't understand how it is that he, of all the people in my world, he is the one who actually sees me. Who gets me, even though he thinks I am a "tree-hugging, hippie-lover nutcase freak" which he says he doesn't understand. On a most fundamental level, he gets me. How is it that he can call out the truth in me that I am only just learning of myself and say it as though it is something he has always known? How is he able to see through the Angie I present to him, because I believe it is the Angie he (or whomever is in front of me at that moment) wants/needs to see, and know that she is only a tiny portion of who I really am? How can he see through my disguises into the core of me? How?!

How is it that, after all these years with so much time and space in between, I can pick up the phone and we can begin into a conversation as though we had just finished talking hours ago? As though I had just hung up and come out of the basement closet, feeling shivery from staying up way too late to talk about everything and nothing with him. As though tomorrow we would do it all again. How is it that the flow is there, so easily? And how does it happen that almost two hours later, when it came time to say good night, it seemed like saying goodnight to one another was well practiced?

At one time it was.

He has amazing insight, although he probably wouldn't use that word. He is a sparring partner unlike any I have ever had. A debate can go on for hours, just for the love of the debate. And it's fun. Opinionated and needing to always be right - both of us - creates interesting battles. And the natural pace that we fall into is easy and lighthearted, punctuated with good, deep-full-belly-throw-your-head-back-with-abandonment-and-laugh-right-out-loud laughter.

They are some of the aspects I miss the most... the always-easeful relating and full-out mirth.

And here I lay, unable to sleep because my mind is so awake and I find myself tripping back to the beginning and wondering... of all the people in my life, why him?

I Spy...

on the way to work this morning, I pulled up behind a car with this on the bumper...

Plans, Intentions, Etc

There are a few cliches bouncing about regarding plans and/or intentions. Things like...

Best laid plans of mice and men... (I have never understood that one.)

The road to hell is paved with good intentions...

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans...

And so, today, I have been thinking about intentions and plans. Not because, however, for the reason you are thinking I am, it's nearing New Year's eve. No, not because of that. But because I had some damn good plans and intentions for today and they seem to be getting thwarted.

First off, I realized yesterday that I wanted to make a Thanksgiving dinner - the way I like my Thanksgiving dinners. So, I went to the store to get all the necessities. Forty-seven dollars later, I had the fixins required. I called my mom to invite her out to have dinner with me and my daughter at my brother's house. Her response?

"You really want to spend all day long cooking?"

No, I really don't want to. I thought you were going to do it all. Shit! Yes, I'm sure! "Yep. It sounds like fun, Mom. Will you make Green Fluffiness, please?"

"You really want that again?"

No, I really don't. I thought it would be nice of me to ask you to bring it. Shit! Yes, I'm sure! "Yep. I love that stuff and you make it perfectly. Will you come out and have dinner with us, please?"

"Well, alright. But not if it's snowing."

Fuck! "Okay, that's cool. I know you have been having difficulty with sliding on the roads. We will just pray for dry weather. "

Well... it's snowing today. However, she just called to say she is on her way. Perhaps it isn't too bad where she lives.

Then...

I go to put the turkey in. It is a fresh turkey breast, never been frozen. I didn't notice this yesterday (12/29) when I bought it, but it was only good through 12/26. Shit! So, I had to get dressed, bundle up and trek across the frozen tundra to the store where I bought it - and it wasn't the store near my brother's house because I bought the stuff on a whim while my daughter and I were out yesterday.

When I got to the store, I drove around looking for a spot to park relatively near to the door so I would only have to brave the wet flakes falling from the sky for a short moment. I got distracted by the gift-bows that were scattered all over one row of the parking lot. I laughed and sang, "Someone left my bows out in the rain..." (instead of cake) and was making up all sorts of stories about how the bows got there and why they were there and how the people were feeling that had left them there. I was so focused on my stories and taking these pictures...

...that I totally forgot to get the turkey out of the car and had made it all the way into the store before I realized that I didn't have the one thing that I was there to take care of! I tromped back to the car, grabbed the turkey, sloshed back to the storefront, trudged in and slid on the entryway floor and about broke my neck. I wandered around, looking for a manger to help me, found one finally and was instructed to go back and find me a replacement turkey. Slip-slosh-squeak-squeak through the store to the meat department and find there was only one fresh, never frozen turkey breast left and it was considerably smaller than the first, but at least it was fresh. Added bonus!

On the way home, I saw an SUV - with two adults and a gazillion children - driving along the road. On the back window, they had attached a sign. Now I don't know if vinyl lettering signs are all the rage in other parts of the country but here in Utah, land of the MLM, everyone and their cow has vinyl lettering signs on a least one object, if not every wall of their house. And if they don't own a Cricut themselves, they know someone who does. This SUV had stragetically placed celebratory vinyl lettering, complete with confetti and streamers, along their back window. It read:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

JESUS!

Although, someone had removed the middle "s" so it really said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
JE US!

Now, why in the hell did I find that so funny???!

Ringa My Bell-ell-ell

At my brother's house, in his kitchen, beside the sliding glass door sits a "Service Please" bell.

They have trained Ferris to "ding" this bell when he needs to go out to powder his nose. Ferris is brilliant with his bell-ringing and rarely cries wolf, unless of course it is in the middle of a party and he is being ignored by all the visitors. He is surprisingly dainty about the whole proceedure, as if he is a fragile ballerina, pointing his toe to give the bell the tiniest of taps.

This dog can hold his bladder for hours on end. Since he is a wuss in the cold - a total sissy boy, shivering and whining as though he is being neglected (and that is according to his loving father and mother, not me) - and it is only 19 degrees outside, he gets to stay in the house while the adults go to work. He doesn't get free range roaming rights, however. He gets to hang out in the master suite bathroom. He likes it. He has a heat vent all to himself in there.

He can hang out there for the entire day without becoming incontinent. He can come out of there, run around the house and play for awhile without realizing he hasn't peed for ten hours. And, when he does realize that fact, he meanders toward the bell without any panic and dings it once. No worry.

However, if one is gaming at 11:30 at night on a site where one pays (yes, I know. Gambling. Tsk-tsk) to game, then there is no holding of the bladder for this little guy. Right in the middle of the high point of my game last night, I hear...

Ding!

I couldn't leave the game. I would lose my money. Shit. He holds it all day long. One minute isn't going to cause problems. Thirty seconds later...

Ding!

Damn it! Twenty seconds later...

Ding!

Crap! "I am almost done, Ferris! Give me a minute!" I called out, as though he understands human or that he gives a damn about the fact that I have a life outside of answering his bell. Ten seconds later...

Ding! Ding!

Ooh! Getting serious now. Two dings. Immediately thereafter...

Ding! Ding! Ding! I could hear him thinking, "Good lord! Can't this broad hear me? I gotta pee! And I did that stupid bell thingie. She's supposed to come running."

Yeah. I lost that game.

Shower of Giggles

Soooo... staying out at my brother's house has turned me into an over-relaxed slug (that is, of course, aside from my stint of eruptive anger directed at my former yesterday). It is a nice sensation, I must say, this slugness.

My brother and his wife have an amazing master suite, complete with an enourmous jetted tub and glass-door-encased separate shower. I like the combo. I am intimidated, however, by the glass door as it requires squeegeeing after use. I can't quite seem to get the thing spotless. I fear I will never be asked to tend house again, since my glass squeegeeing skills are remiss.

At any rate, my brother and his wife are quite a bit taller than me so things that are at my eye level would not be at theirs. My sister-in-law is a licensed hair... ummmm... person. (I am lacking the politically correct term here. I know it isn't "beautician" nor is it "barber." Hair Cutter sounds just plain stupid and she does more than that. I have heard Hair Stylist, but she does more than that too so I will just go with Licensed Hair Person.) Therefore, she uses really cool, professional hair products. Their shower has three shelves in each corner opposite the entrance. Each shelf has a fancy hair product bottle - aside from the highest shelf which has my brother's "man body wash." Who knew!

Each time I have stepped into the shower, I have turned around and found myself at eye level with a bottle of Matrix Biolage Shampoo. It smells yummy! But what's better is the label... this is what makes me giggle. It reads Hydrating Shampoo in seven different languages...

Yeah. That sixth one is the one that gets me every time! In case you are wondering what the TWENTY-THREE letters are, they are: FEUCHTIGKEITSSPENDENDES. Since I don't speak German (and I am only assuming this amazing word is German), I have a hilariously good time trying to sound it out as I lather, rinse and repeat.

I have come up with FEWK-TEEG-KITES-SPEND-END-EZ. I'm not sure where to put the syllabic stress, but I certainly have had a grand time dancing around and singing that word.

Happy Holidays!

Okay... I just couldn't resist posting this completely politically incorrect video. For those of you who have already met Achmed, then you are aware of his crassness. But, god! It is so funny!

Enjoy!