Appreciation for 05/03/10

*Our Annie Jr. production is looking fabulous! *It is MAY! Wow! *It is so absolutely breathtaking outside today. Gorgeous! *The song I'm listening to right now has bird songs in the background that sound exactly like the songs to which I awoke this morning. Delightful! *Some brilliant mind overheard my thoughts and finally put Lucky Charms and chocolate together. Wooohoooooo! Chocolate cereal with marshmallows. MMMMMmmmmmmm! I know it's not the most nutritious thing, but Chocolate Lucky Charms are my fav! *Ms. Tree from Lime Giddy Creations made some of the most amazing bath products with coordinated scents specifically for me. I love how her natural products leave me feeling light and clean and I love that the kids at school all come up to me, sniff and say, "You smell sooooooooooooo good!" LOL ~ My life is a good life!

Grace in Small Things

It's a Hard Knock Life!

My daughter and I have been intensively involved in the Open Classroom's production of Annie Jr. and it has been quite a blast! As Assistant Director I am thoroughly amazed at the quality of this show, the effort of the cast, the expertise of the Director and the willingness of the the surrounding community to support us. It has been an incredible experience and I would love for you to come witness our magic. My daughter is playing the role of Grace, Oliver Warbucks' secretary and she's marvelous!

Show runs: Thursday, Friday and Saturday, May 6-8 and starts each night at 7:00 pm at the Open Classroom 3rd Avenue and E Street. Tickets are $6 for adults, $4 for kids under 14 and they go on sale today.

Appreciation for 03/05/10

*What an amazing day I created yesterday! I feel happy still, this morning, about how great my day was. *Feeling honored to be supporting The OC kids in their production. *Seeing my Phoenix every time I look up from this computer in the morning. *Dreams that inspire curiosity. *Wondering what the day has in store for me. *Substituting on Fridays because it's a short day and today they're going swimming for sports. *Feeling settled and at peace. *The smile on my best friend's face. So good to see it reach his eyes so frequently these days. *The feel and smell of my chocolate-wealth body soap. *Remembering that, at all times, everything is exactly as it is supposed to be. ~ So very grateful to BE alive!

Grace in Small Things

Appreciation for 03/04/10

*Music from the 80's. I'm a sucker for it. *Watching the elation of my daughter as she realized that she nailed her tryouts and loves the part she was awarded of Grace in Annie.  *Such appreciation for the kids of the Open Classroom and their courage to face their fears and REALLY go for it during tryouts and call backs the last three days. WOW! *Moving forward. *A delicious, delightful lunch with my dear friend, Paula, and spending hours talking, laughing, crying and sharing. *My curiosity that is leading me further and further down a road that surprises me at every turn. *Feeling complete. *My daughter's generous heart, tender spirit and kind ways. I appreciate her in each moment. *Having other adults say to me, "Your daughter is such a joy. I love her." or "She's beautiful. She can sing. She can dance. She can act. AND she's nice. WOW!" How fun is that!!! ~ I am SO loving my life! YAY ME for creating such a beautiful one!!!

Grace in Small Things

Appreciation for 03/03/10

*Being witness to the courage and talent possessed by the 5-8th graders during call-backs in auditions for The Open Classroom's production of Annie yesterday. WOW! *Excited to be able to participate in the production. *Excited to be going to lunch today with one of my dearest friends! YAY! *Miscommunications and misunderstandings that eventually result in clean, clear space. Nice! *The words to Whitney Houston's song, I Didn't Know My Own Stength have been running through my head since I woke up. I feel uplifted and inspired... I thought I would break... I didn't know my own strength. And I crashed down and I tumbled but I did not crumble. I got through all the pain. I didn't know my own strength. Survived my darkest hour. My faith kept me alive. I picked myself back up. Hold my head up high. I WAS NOT BUILT TO BREAK. I didn't know my own strength... *Providing ideas that others claim as their own, knowing the truth and somehow, through it all, realizing that everything is exactly perfect. *Witnessing the soul progression of those around me. ~ I am feeling my ALIVENESS and the ABUNDANCE of who I am with overflowing gratitude.

Grace in Small Things

Appreciation #206

*Connecting with people from my past on Facebook which is a lot of fun! *Meeting with the bankruptcy attorney last night and, while I've felt shamed about doing it, I now feel relief. *There IS a light at the end of the tunnel and I KNOW it's NOT a train. WOW! *Sitting with my good friend, Tree, watching Lost for the first time EVER (I know. I know.) and just having the time to be with her. I've missed her and feel grateful she was well enough to socialize last night. *Having another parent at the Open Classroom directly request from me support for their child in their special needs. *Knowing that my goal to go back to school for my degree and specialize in Autism is the EXACTLY right path. *Rock-n-Roll songs written just about ME! Angie


Grace in Small Things

Is This For Real?

I'm at the end of the first Monday of 2010 and looking forward to tomorrow's adventures. I have the opportunity to co-op the Open Classroom on Tuesday mornings and all day on Thursdays. I LOVE IT! I get to teach children. Teaching is my passion. On Tuesdays, I get to be with the kindergarteners. What a joy! And tomorrow I'm excited for the adventure of leading all three kindergarten classes - about 75 children - in Meditative Art Therapy... an hour of movement, meditation and individual creative artistic expression through drawing, painting or sculpting. I'm excited to see how it turns out. I'll keep you updated...

And... onto other less exciting things... tomorrow I'm visiting a bankruptcy attorney. I cry just writing that. My unemployment benefits are running out. The state has denied my request for food benefits because, apparently, with my unemployment benefits I earn too much money. How is that possible when I cannot afford to pay my bills? How can I be bringing in too much money? My benefits are 2/3 of what I was bringing home when I was employed. I was able to cover all of my bills prior to losing my job in September. I was even on a pay down plan and was making quite a lot of headway. But... that was then. This is now. Along the way, I have used all of my savings to make sure that all of my bills stayed current. Those accounts drained out in November. And now, apparently, I make too much money.

*sigh*

I feel ashamed and guilty that I'm even looking at bankruptcy. Originally, I created this debt - although it has grown remarkably large with fees and such - so I feel like a schmuck for even looking at this. I feel dirty and cheap and... white-trashy. Ugh.

Here's where I am with it... I have five different creditors calling me every hour. If I had a dollar for every call I get from each creditor, I could pay each of the minimum payments! And, sorrowfully, the answer is the same for each of them... there is no money. I cannot give you what I do not have. And then I hang up - or avoid answering all together - and I cry. I've been crying a lot lately. Lots and lots of tears.

So, I really look forward to hanging out with five year olds tomorrow. Life is beautiful and gentle in their presence. So much more delightful than hanging out with creditors, to say the least...

Social Studies

I'm teaching 20th Century Social Studies right now. I get to focus on 1940's and have been listening to music from that era. I had no idea how much I already was in love with the music from that time. Billy Holiday. Bing Crosby. Glenn Miller. Vaughn Monroe. Ella Fitzgerald. I feel all nostalgic and I'm curious about that, since I was born in '68. I feel soothed and comfy and completely at home, like all is right in my world, as I listen to this music.

Moved

I am so touched. Touched beyond words. I spent the Inauguration at my daughter's school and got to revel in the sounds of the celebration echoing through the halls as I ventured toward her room. I got to spend the morning drinking in the jubilant cheering and singing and dancing as these children witnessed the swearing in of a new president... a president with whom they identify even though they are too young to vote. I got to listen to their words and feel their excitement and witness their hope as they listened intently to his words. I imagined what the world looks like to these children and imagined that they felt safe, for the first time in maybe their whole life. I feel peaceful and hopeful and excited for what our future holds, for what the future holds for these children. I feel grateful to be alive, to be an American and to have played a small role in America's movement of change.

Afterglow

Soooooo... I was going through my "edit posts" screen and found this post that never got posted. It was originally written on 12/18/08...

I've discovered that when I allow myself to go fully through the emotions in that moment that I come out of it really quickly and am able to find the light and breath of life with ease. My mentors have often said that, if you allow your emotion to be fully expressed at the time it arises it will move through in a matter of as little as 20 seconds and only as long as 20 minutes, versus the 20 or so years that some people take to move an emotion. I have pondered that a lot and have tested it, finding it to be true. True, honest, core emotions - sad, fear, anger - can move through in lightning speed if I allow it.

My journey through anger and sadness yesterday was a roller coaster ride. That is another thing I have discovered. Emotions can come in waves, especially when a "trigger" keeps reappearing. I spent most of my day yesterday feeling the emotions all the way through and then seeking compassion for the mother who was having a conniption over the illegal-ness of my class proposal.

See... her husband has been battling cancer for eight years. She is working full time, supporting him, supporting their child and spearheading one of the most visible and busy committees in the school. I imagine she's tired and scared and strung out thinner than even she realizes. I imagine that the slightest speck of dust in her precisely-oiled wheel of life causes great consternation. My forward-thinking proposal for an elective class - on a topic she doesn't believe in or understand (and, let's face it, that a majority of the US does not believe in or understand and finds highly controversial) - was a huge clump of dust flying at her spokes.

I get that she felt scared for the school. I understand that she is looking out for the welfare of our amazing Open Classroom, protecting us from "bad media" and the State Legislature breathing down our necks. So, I now understand the fuel that was propelling that monstrous outburst yesterday.

After talking about my proposal all day long yesterday with so many different people, I feel excited for what's around the corner. There will be endless discussions with numerous committees and lawyers over the next few weeks while we, who are in full support of this class, move forward to bring it to pass. It won't be on the roster for the second semester. However, I am confident we will get it there for the third semester and the response is going to be overwhelming. Because, as we have seen with controversial movies and such, publicity about something being controversial raises interest. I know that with big change comes huge resistance. Therefore, I am thinking I must be totally on to something. I have opened the floodgates of evolution and feel excited for the journey forward.

Stay tuned...

And... in other news...

In the midst of all the drama yesterday, I had a moving experience with the children of the Open Classroom. We walked several blocks to The Leonardo museum to view the BodyWorlds3 Exhibit. I had no idea how I was going to react to the human bodies. However, when I walked in, I was breathless with wonder and awe and surprised by the immense beauty of the human creation. I found myself tearful and reverent and worshipful as I meandered from body to body, gazing at the miraculous construction of the human form from within.

Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks as my daughter and I walked through the Fetus room, looking at fetuses in stages from 5 days to 35 weeks. That room had been deemed "too controversial" so the children were not able to enter unless their parent was a chaperone that day. My daughter was grateful I was there and she leaned over to me and whispered, "I can feel Adrianna here." The babies were serenely beautiful and I felt a deep yearning to touch each one, love them and hold them.

I felt grateful and fully, magically human as I walked through the displays of bodies that no longer showed age or stress. They were just there, on display, in all their original, mysterious majesty and I was moved. I felt grateful that someone had discovered plastination and completely wide-eyed, jaw-dropped engrossed in every display, especially those that contained the circulatory system. I love that some man's imagination (Gunther von Hagens, Institute for Plastination, Heidelberg, Germany) led to this amazing exhibit. What a generous gift he has given the world and all who are willing to partake.

It was a strangely awe-inspiring day yesterday, from beginning to end. And I love that I can go through all that I did and still go to bed (early) last night with a contented smile on my face.

Life IS good!

Controversy Curiosity

I am able to create waves of controversy in the damnedest of places, in the damnedest of ways. Even when I am not intending to - or, perhaps, especially when I'm not intending to.

It happened today. I created a controversy. In my heart of hearts, I had only good intentions. I was so excited and passionate about teaching Life Skills at the Open Classroom. I was excited to share the classes that are titled things like Thought, Perception, Gratitude and Abundance, etc. They are a series of seven classes that are simply powerful and I was going to teach it as an elective course to the middle school! Seven classes of that with classes on meditation, journaling and crystals thrown in for entertainment value.

I talked with my daughter's teacher. She was excited about it. I talked to the Head Teacher. She was excited about it. I talked with the kids about it and they were beyond excited. Everyone was on board.

Everyone but the one mother who stopped me in the busy hallway this morning and yelled at me, saying I was proposing a class that was religious and illegal in the public school system. As the day went on and the drama increased, the friggin' legal department that heads our school got involved. There were threats to go to the State Education Board, yada yada yada.

I heard words thrown around like "Scientology" and "Wicca" and "Church of Science." I heard grumblings because I had used the words "Magical, Conscious Life" and "crystals for healing and enhancing your life" and "the magic of using Gratitude to lead your life into Abundance."

Ye-eah... I'm fuckin' frustrated right now and very, very sad.

Because, ya know what? They pulled my class from the roster. Now because one woman was queasy and, in her words, doesn't "believe in the falsehoods that I would be presenting as facts," there is to be an Inquistion and all those excited children don't get to have the class they all wanted.

I smell the wood burning now, folks.

What century is this?

I'll keep you posted.

The Crusades...

Sooooooooooo... I am now a part-time teacher at my daughter's new forward-thinking school. It is called the Open Classroom and to be a student there, the parents of each student must commit to participating 3 HOURS in their child's classrom every week. It's called Co-op. In addition there are monthly meetings for every committee each parent participates in. The thing I love is that I can go hang out with my daughter all day long if I so choose. And I have! I love it. I am learning a lot more than I learned when I was in elementary school!!!

I teach every Wednesday morning during core studies to 5th, 6th and 7th graders. Wednesday mornings are a snazzy combo plate of social studies/language arts/history and right now we are studying the Medieval era. We spend the first 45 minutes of the day talking about current issues and have been focusing on the upcoming presidential election. These children know more about politics than I have ever dreamed of knowing and I have learned so much, as well. Then we spend the next two hours in rotations. There are six co-opers that each teach for 15 minutes and the small groups of children rotate around from room to room. They get a small dose of six different topics that day and it also gives them the opportunity to MOVE every 15 minutes.

Today I presented the second part of my topic from last week: The Crusades. I discovered that the children become animated and interactive when I add movement, music and pictures to my topic. The other co-opers (many of whom are too brilliant for words and are tenured professors at the U of U) are having difficulty with the children. My theory is they are talking way over their heads... but THAT is just my humble opinion.

I was excited to officially do my own research and learn about The Crusades so I could teach these kids. I was excited to find a way to present it that got them interested. I LOVED hearing their reactions and how much they remember and how much they are willing to interact! And I loved their dramatic expressions as I was sharing about each Crusade. And I loved their groans of defeat as I would get to the end of explaining about each unsuccessful Crusade. It was great!

Some interesting things I learned...

• It's only called a "Crusade" if it is officially sanctioned by the Pope.
• There were seven different Crusades over a span of about three centuries.
• Only the First Crusade was successful back in the 1090's and they were only successful because they got lucky. The Fatimids who were ruling Jerusalem at the time were involved in another war and didn't protect Jerusalem.
• Most of the Crusaders in the other six Crusades never even got near Jerusalem!
• The Crusaders frequently got sidetracked by treasure and other rulers who would enroll them in their battles.
• The Crusaders frequently believed that God was on their side so they didn't need to worry.
• Prior to the First Crusade, the Pope got the citizens so riled up that they took off to Jerusalem before the Crusaders. Men, women and children set off to battle without weapons or money to buy weapons. They gave up halfway and stopped in Germany, robbing and killing thousands of Jews because they were not Christians.
• In 1212, there were two unofficial crusades - one from France and one from Germany. Both of these "crusades" were led by 12-year-old boys who had both received visions around the same time stating that they were to lead a crusade. They set off, each from their own country, taking thousands of children with them. Those from France set sail on seven ships and disappeared. Many of the children from Germany died crossing the Alps on the way to Italy where they met with the Pope who sent them back home. Many of the remaining children died on the way back. Around 50,000 children died during these "crusades."
• If the Crusaders were ever lucky enough to be GIVEN Jerusalem, they usually quickly lost it by fighting amongst themselves.

So that is a bit of what I have learned and taught. Hope you enjoyed it. Perhaps I should post my movies I made!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmm... something to consider...