There are a few cliches bouncing about regarding plans and/or intentions. Things like...
Best laid plans of mice and men... (I have never understood that one.)
The road to hell is paved with good intentions...
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans...
And so, today, I have been thinking about intentions and plans. Not because, however, for the reason you are thinking I am, it's nearing New Year's eve. No, not because of that. But because I had some damn good plans and intentions for today and they seem to be getting thwarted.
First off, I realized yesterday that I wanted to make a Thanksgiving dinner - the way I like my Thanksgiving dinners. So, I went to the store to get all the necessities. Forty-seven dollars later, I had the fixins required. I called my mom to invite her out to have dinner with me and my daughter at my brother's house. Her response?
"You really want to spend all day long cooking?"
No, I really don't want to. I thought you were going to do it all. Shit! Yes, I'm sure! "Yep. It sounds like fun, Mom. Will you make Green Fluffiness, please?"
"You really want that again?"
No, I really don't. I thought it would be nice of me to ask you to bring it. Shit! Yes, I'm sure! "Yep. I love that stuff and you make it perfectly. Will you come out and have dinner with us, please?"
"Well, alright. But not if it's snowing."
Fuck! "Okay, that's cool. I know you have been having difficulty with sliding on the roads. We will just pray for dry weather. "
Well... it's snowing today. However, she just called to say she is on her way. Perhaps it isn't too bad where she lives.
Then...
I go to put the turkey in. It is a fresh turkey breast, never been frozen. I didn't notice this yesterday (12/29) when I bought it, but it was only good through 12/26. Shit! So, I had to get dressed, bundle up and trek across the frozen tundra to the store where I bought it - and it wasn't the store near my brother's house because I bought the stuff on a whim while my daughter and I were out yesterday.
When I got to the store, I drove around looking for a spot to park relatively near to the door so I would only have to brave the wet flakes falling from the sky for a short moment. I got distracted by the gift-bows that were scattered all over one row of the parking lot. I laughed and sang, "Someone left my bows out in the rain..." (instead of cake) and was making up all sorts of stories about how the bows got there and why they were there and how the people were feeling that had left them there. I was so focused on my stories and taking these pictures...
...that I totally forgot to get the turkey out of the car and had made it all the way into the store before I realized that I didn't have the one thing that I was there to take care of! I tromped back to the car, grabbed the turkey, sloshed back to the storefront, trudged in and slid on the entryway floor and about broke my neck. I wandered around, looking for a manger to help me, found one finally and was instructed to go back and find me a replacement turkey. Slip-slosh-squeak-squeak through the store to the meat department and find there was only one fresh, never frozen turkey breast left and it was considerably smaller than the first, but at least it was fresh. Added bonus!
On the way home, I saw an SUV - with two adults and a gazillion children - driving along the road. On the back window, they had attached a sign. Now I don't know if vinyl lettering signs are all the rage in other parts of the country but here in Utah, land of the MLM, everyone and their cow has vinyl lettering signs on a least one object, if not every wall of their house. And if they don't own a Cricut themselves, they know someone who does. This SUV had stragetically placed celebratory vinyl lettering, complete with confetti and streamers, along their back window. It read:
Best laid plans of mice and men... (I have never understood that one.)
The road to hell is paved with good intentions...
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans...
And so, today, I have been thinking about intentions and plans. Not because, however, for the reason you are thinking I am, it's nearing New Year's eve. No, not because of that. But because I had some damn good plans and intentions for today and they seem to be getting thwarted.
First off, I realized yesterday that I wanted to make a Thanksgiving dinner - the way I like my Thanksgiving dinners. So, I went to the store to get all the necessities. Forty-seven dollars later, I had the fixins required. I called my mom to invite her out to have dinner with me and my daughter at my brother's house. Her response?
"You really want to spend all day long cooking?"
No, I really don't want to. I thought you were going to do it all. Shit! Yes, I'm sure! "Yep. It sounds like fun, Mom. Will you make Green Fluffiness, please?"
"You really want that again?"
No, I really don't. I thought it would be nice of me to ask you to bring it. Shit! Yes, I'm sure! "Yep. I love that stuff and you make it perfectly. Will you come out and have dinner with us, please?"
"Well, alright. But not if it's snowing."
Fuck! "Okay, that's cool. I know you have been having difficulty with sliding on the roads. We will just pray for dry weather. "
Well... it's snowing today. However, she just called to say she is on her way. Perhaps it isn't too bad where she lives.
Then...
I go to put the turkey in. It is a fresh turkey breast, never been frozen. I didn't notice this yesterday (12/29) when I bought it, but it was only good through 12/26. Shit! So, I had to get dressed, bundle up and trek across the frozen tundra to the store where I bought it - and it wasn't the store near my brother's house because I bought the stuff on a whim while my daughter and I were out yesterday.
When I got to the store, I drove around looking for a spot to park relatively near to the door so I would only have to brave the wet flakes falling from the sky for a short moment. I got distracted by the gift-bows that were scattered all over one row of the parking lot. I laughed and sang, "Someone left my bows out in the rain..." (instead of cake) and was making up all sorts of stories about how the bows got there and why they were there and how the people were feeling that had left them there. I was so focused on my stories and taking these pictures...
...that I totally forgot to get the turkey out of the car and had made it all the way into the store before I realized that I didn't have the one thing that I was there to take care of! I tromped back to the car, grabbed the turkey, sloshed back to the storefront, trudged in and slid on the entryway floor and about broke my neck. I wandered around, looking for a manger to help me, found one finally and was instructed to go back and find me a replacement turkey. Slip-slosh-squeak-squeak through the store to the meat department and find there was only one fresh, never frozen turkey breast left and it was considerably smaller than the first, but at least it was fresh. Added bonus!
On the way home, I saw an SUV - with two adults and a gazillion children - driving along the road. On the back window, they had attached a sign. Now I don't know if vinyl lettering signs are all the rage in other parts of the country but here in Utah, land of the MLM, everyone and their cow has vinyl lettering signs on a least one object, if not every wall of their house. And if they don't own a Cricut themselves, they know someone who does. This SUV had stragetically placed celebratory vinyl lettering, complete with confetti and streamers, along their back window. It read:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
JESUS!
Although, someone had removed the middle "s" so it really said...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
JE US!
JE US!
Now, why in the hell did I find that so funny???!
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