Something magical happened when I started the NaNoWriMo adventure. I decided, about halfway through, that I didn't care if I hit the goal or not. How is that magical, you ask? Well, it's like this... I gave myself permission to have fun with this project - a new thing for me when I am facing a deadline. And I decided that if I didn't get close to 50,000 words in this month, I was okay with that because I wanted to enjoy the process. I got about 1/5 the way there because I ended up dedicating a lot less time to it than I originally had estimated, but what has come out has been amazing.
I am excited about this story which has no name and no outline and no known plot as of yet. I am loving the characters that are showing up in full color and fully-formed personalities. I am loving the landscape of the story, the textures, the nuances, the language. I am appreciating the way it is unfolding in my mind as my fingers fly across the keys.
I imagine I could spend the next four days, straight, and crank out the remaining words of the necessary 50,000 just so I can say that I completed the task. However, I'm wondering if I will still enjoy the story that is slowly, magically revealing itself to me. Who knows. Perhaps I will get a bug in my ear, curl up on my bed with my computer on my lap and get it all out later today and tomorrow. Maybe I will.
Or maybe, just maybe, I will continue to give myself the permission to go slowly and surely with it. Maybe, for once, I will lovingly embrace the Procrastinator within me, rather than shaming and condemning her. Yeah. Maybe I will do that!
3 comments:
Dear Angie,
This entry really touched me ... I am misty eyed at the expression of your tenderness for yourself. In actuality, there is no "failing," but only feedback; and I personally find that truth to be one of THE hardest to live within ... because it takes a fearless self-love that is extremely courageous to acquire. I am on my way there, and it sounds like you are making leaps to that point for yourself: I congratulate you & honestly declare that you, my dear, are an honest inspiration in the world :)
In Truth,
Kristen
WOW! Thank you, Kristen. "Thank you" seems redundant and not enough to express the gratitude I have for your willingness to continually show up and be with me here. And, until I figure out how to say more than just "Thank you," I hope you will feel the sincerity of my gratitude.
~A
Angie, I feel really deeply that I must assure that I DO feel the depth of your gratitude in every "thank you."
You are very real, sincere, filled with truth that you own, and just so rare and precious a human being. All that to say that I trust in your words, and I honor the heart they come from. And so, I thank you for letting me into such a personal part of your world--it is a true honor and blessing to witness this part of your journey into fuller and fuller being.
May something boldly bright bless you today!
Most Sincerely,
Kristen
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