Thursday, February 25, 2010

As of Late

What is up for me right now is the things I am saying/writing are being received in ways that are utterly different than what I mean. I'm waking up to the power of language and speaking clearly. Many times recently, I've said/written things that come from deep within me and are full of love and appreciation, only to have them evoke anger and argument and leave me feeling baffled and saying, "That is so not what I meant."

So I'm looking into this pattern for myself and wondering what I want to create. My past pattern was "not being heard" or "being interrupted." Well, I seem to have broken that pattern and have replaced it with "being heard, but being misunderstood."

The way I look at this is this pattern is up really big, everywhere in my life. I'm recognizing it in my interactions with the kids at school - they sometimes ask me to say something twice because they couldn't understand me. It's happening with my daughter - I will say something that she hears as something that really hurts her heart but it was the furthest thing from what I was meaning. It's happening with my friends - they hear me saying something I'm not meaning. It's happening with my family - I say one thing and they hear the opposite. These are all examples of what is happening with this pattern that has reared its head. The names and faces change, but the results are the same: I'm speaking in a way that is being misunderstood.

So I'm wondering... what is my commitment to being misunderstood? What is my reward?
What purpose does it serve me for me to be continually misunderstood?


I feel scared that the answer to that last question is that it's a sneaky way to be the victim. Aye-carumba!

I'm going to be with this for a bit. I'm owning right here and now that I am currently committed to being misunderstood. Oh dear. I feel sad. AND I'm going to allow that truth to be for a while until I'm completely finished with it and can move on to a more empowering pattern.

I'll keep you posted.

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