Waxing

I am going to wax religious for a bit here. Or perhaps there is a more accurate description of this upcoming post. Perhaps it is a rant. Perhaps it is a rave. Whatever it is, I am on my soapbox so if you are disinterested in reading anything not-upbeat about religion, then turn back now.

Eh-hem...

This morning I was driving into Beans and Brews to get my occasional morning treat - a Grande White Mocha Latte, with one shot of espresso, Caramel Sauce and Hazelnut. That, my friends, should indicate how far I have fallen off the Church bandwagon... I am drinking coffee. Whatever...

A commercial came on singing claims to the newly-released book Broken Things to Mend by Jeffrey R. Holland, a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Immediately after the commercial began, I felt my hackles rise. I felt angry. The tone of the entire commercial is: YOU ARE BROKEN. FIX IT. NOW. It talked about how the world is falling apart, the economy is tanking and everyone and everything is, pretty much, going to hell in a hand basket. (I've always wondered about that cliche'. Why would we go in a hand basket??? What is a hand basket?)

At any rate, as the commercial continued on, the feeling of it - for me - focused on people being incomplete and broken, imperfect and in need of repair. It felt heavily weighted to the side of repentence and perfection to the point of impossibility. It triggered every "need to be perfect" program that I have ever had in me all at the same time.

There is an element of perfection within that religion that grates on my nerves like nothing else. They continually talk about attaining a level of perfection that is an impossibility for the majority of the human race which leads to continual dissatisfaction, guilt and shame.

I believe in Christ. I believe in the healing power of Christ. No, let's rephrase that. I know of the healing power of Christ. However, I also know that healing must come from within and that it must germinate from a seed of knowledge that the person is, indeed, whole and perfect from the start. Focusing on being "broken and needing to be mended" perpetuates the energy of "broken and needing to be mended". It does not heal. It will never heal anyone. Because, what you focus on grows.

This rant is going nowhere, I know. It is simply me releasing my ongoing frustration with the religion in which I was raised. I watch beautiful, amazing people around me driving themselves into the ground in an endless striving for perfection never knowing that, all along, they are already perfect. I feel angry that this church that preaches love also preaches striving for virtually unattainable perfection which results in endless frustration and fear.

Being outside the church, now, I see more and more how their focus is directed toward fear while preaching love. I feel angry that I spent the first 37 years of my life in that fear and shame for never being nearly perfect enough with no hope of ever arriving.