Bound and Rebound

At the beginning of one of the Disney Pixar movies released within the last couple years, there was a "short" called Boundin' and that tale keeps running through my head today. I simply adore the cute little lamb in this movie and I love how he goes from prideful about his beauty to feeling naked and vulnerable and unable to do anything he used to do and then, back up to understanding himself. All with the help of a jackalope.

I feel like that little lamb. I am in that space where I am naked and vulnerable and feeling unable to do anything that I have done in the past. I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down into a ravine that seemingly has no bottom. I imagine, though, that the bottom is jaggedy and dangerous and that, were I to leap from this cliff I would surely be smashed to smithereens against the solid foundation far below. I have been to this cliff before. Maybe not the very same cliff, but one that felt strikingly familiar to the cliff on which I stand now. I have stood at that edge so many times, dangling my toes over the precipice, wondering when the moment was going to come that I actually trust myself to fly.

See, I always fly. I have never plummeted to my death. I haven't even so much as fallen at all. When I have taken that first step that is required of me, I have discovered, much to my delight, that either my wings sprout or there is a hidden bridge that I could not see before. I know this. I know it. I know that I it only takes a breath and some faith on my part and I will be okay. I will be safe.

Thing is, when I am feeling all vulnerable and raw and naked, it feels difficult to me to stretch out any further to fly. I feel scared that I will be shot down. I feel confused by the next step required of me. I feel trapped, actually. All of this beautiful stuff is coming through me - some of which was began in a partnership - and now I feel like I can't do anything with it because I am experiencing that partnership as being at a stand-still.

As talking about that with a friend today, she said, "I'm wondering, Angie, if you are looking at being stuck in your partnership as a way to avoid what you are being called to do. I'm wondering... are you maybe supposed to launch that art all by yourself or with someone all together different?"

Sooooo... I'm breathing and I am tapping my foot, building up the energy to bound and rebound. I have done it before. I will do it again. It just takes courage. And... sigh... it takes me believing in ME. Perhaps that is where I am stuck right now. It doesn't matter who is going with me or not. It doesn't matter if it looks like I thought it was supposed to look. All that matters is that I am going with me.

Oh... okay... I got it. It is about me getting behind me, supporting me.

*sigh*

Shit. I was hoping I could blame it on someone else. I can't.

Okay... thanks for listening (reading). I feel better now and my feet are a-tapping. I can feel the energy growing and the sky seems to be coming closer. I love it when I get myself stuck and then get myself unstuck again.

Now in this world of ups and downs…So nice to know there are jackalopes around.