Awareness...

I am aware that, as of late, my posts have been all "love and light." I'm not usually this sappy or continually peppy. In general, I am a happy person, yet I am still prone to having long lengths of time where I am intensely angry and hateful. Life just seems to be going good right now and when it comes time to write, I feel excited to say, "I FEEL GOOD!"

I have spent years trying to find my Happy Place. There were so many times I wondered if I could go on and if it was even worth trying. For a long time, if you had asked me if I wanted to live, I would have answered, "Yes. I want to live because I have a beautiful daughter. I want to see her grow up into a beautiful woman." For a long, long time my daughter was my only reason for living.

Then, I had a Life or Death choice eight months ago when I walked through the Nile. When I was faced with that choice, I realized that I truly did want to live. I chose in that moment to take another breath, to choose to be here, to stay here for myself and no one else. That choice, I believe, has made all the difference in my life.

So, I will revel in this beautiful life I am creating and I will share with you the joy and love I feel. If it gets dull, all this loving, I am okay if you move on. I imagine there will be down times and times when I am seething again. However, right now, it is not one of those times and I am going to cherish that fact.