Apparently my sister and her husband were in town from Idaho Falls last night before they flew out to Hawaii this morning. I know this because my father called to talk to my brother just now and brother told him he had gone to dinner with sister and her husband last night.
I wasn't invited.
This is a common occurence.
What I don't understand is why I am still bothered by this, after all these years.
But, I am.
9 comments:
You're bothered by it--rightly, I might add--because if the tables were turned, this is not how you would behave. And that's what hurts. Knowing you would take the higher road and invite your siblings into your home/life with warmth and graciousness.
Being rejected totally sucks--whether it's happening for the first time or the 10,000th time. It just flat out sucks.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You certainly don't deserve it.
J~
Thanks for stopping by. I have missed you!!!
I am still sad about this. I thought that writing it out would help. It did, for awhile. Then, this morning, the little thoughts about it started creeping in and I found myself sad again.
Shit...
Shit is right!
My unsolicited advice: send an email or a card to your sister and say something light like, "I'm sorry we missed seeing each other while you were in town. I'm hurt that I found out about your visit from Dad. Please know, though, that you're always welcome in my home."
Actually, let's back up the train a bit. Forget what I just suggested. What would you like to say to your sister?
Funny you should say that, JMT... I actually DID sit down and write an email to her and my brother. I promptly deleted it and, instead, blogged.
I have mentioned it in the past to both of them and it, seemingly, has had no effect.
:(
Abgue:
Well, bugger.
All I can suggest is to take the higher road and apply the Golden Rule. Treat them like you'd like to be treated, etc., etc.
Eventually (hopefully), they'll see the error of their ways and welcome once again into their lives.
Jay
Thanks, Jay. Yes, we can hope for that. :)
JMT - as the one known as "my brother", you should know that the jaded view you see here is only one side of the situation. As you can see by the response from "my sister", the communication channels have broken down and the appropriate action is currently being avoided. Your advice may be warranted, but only perpetuates the problem. Stop confirming.
Angie - Yes this has been mentioned in the past, but publicly scorning your family members on the Internet is not appropriate. Clearly there is an issue with this still, however this forum is not the correct location to handle these types of issues. When you are ready to openly discuss issues in person, I'll be waiting.
JMT~
The opinions of the commenters are not the opinions of the blogger.
Comment away, Friend!!! :)
Love you.
Brother~
Actually, while I admit that some of my posts could be viewed as a “public scorning” of my family members, I would not judge this particular one to be in that category. Rather, I view it as my expression of my sadness at that moment. I use this blog to process what I am experiencing in my life – happy, sad, good, bad, pretty, ugly – so at times I imagine that what I write may seem scornful to those who choose to see it that way. I feel sad that, of all the posts here, you chose this particular one to comment on when there are many beautiful posts here – even regarding you, specifically.
I have spoken with you and sis about this topic before, as well as the feeling of "not being heard" in our family as a whole. Thus the most recent family joke (and a really funny one, at that) of raising the hand and speaking in a tiny voice, "Hey. Hey. I have something to say."
I understand that it is 100% my responsibility for feeling “heard” and “included.” I get that. And I also understand that it is 100% my responsibility for communicating in a way that can be heard, as well as providing myself the opportunities to be included.
I wrote this blog without the intention of communicating with either of you about the incident. I wrote this blog primarily to express my emotion in that moment. Within 10 seconds of hearing Dad repeat every word that you said in that phone conversation, I was lambasted by his wife with her opinion of how things are in our family. Then I was angry, before I was even able to really feel the sadness that was there first. This blog post was a way of me putting out in front of me that which I could not see and getting it clear from the crap she had piled onto it.
I chose to not approach you or sis about it because it is my shit that I am dealing with here. I am dealing with my feelings of never being enough in your eyes, sister’s eyes, our family’s eyes, the world’s eyes. And, mainly my own eyes. And that, my friend, has nothing to do with you.
And, while I understand that it is 100% my responsibility to get heard and include myself, it is really nice to be invited once in a while.
Love you, Brother. To the ends of the earth and back again. Always.
~Angie
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