Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Drawing Nearer

Over the last few years, my life has been about finding me. In that process, I've discovered something amazing. I've discovered God. Now, truly, I always "knew" that God was there, that the Universe was listening, that there was a Higher Power. However, while I "knew" it, I didn't really believe it. Don't ask me how I pulled that off. My brain is kinda interesting that way.

I was raised in religion but, for me, the connection to my source did not occur until years after I left the church in which I was raised. I remember the first time I actually felt the presence of God inside me. I remember the feeling of wholeness and fullness that was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I felt full of love and peace and... compassion. Compassion for myself. For the first time in my life, I felt compassion toward myself.

Now, I spend my days in constant communication with God. Although I'd love to say that it looks like me listening more than talking, that isn't quite the case. I do a lot of talking with Him because I have a lot of years to make up for. But, in the quiet moments, when I least expect it, He answers me, He talks to me.

I will be suddenly surprised by a line in a movie or the lyric of a song or a thought in a book. I will catch a glimpse of an image that means something entirely different to me in that moment. I will overhear parts of the conversations of others floating on the wind. I will have a mind-blowing, detail-filled dream. And with each of these occurences I humble myself and feel grateful that I'm drawing nearer to the person I want to be and to the Being I want to be more like.

And I count myself blessed to BE ALIVE, living this life and becoming. Thank you, God, for never giving up on me.

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