Naming My Price

Many, many years ago, I worked for a group of doctors on the executive end of operations. I was personal assistant to the CEO and the CFO, as well as the Executive Chairman of the Board. It was an intense job, working with so many Gods all at once. In addition, the bulk of them were radiologists. Radiologists are a unique breed. Most of them chose their specialities specifically because it did NOT require them to have any sort of bedside manner. Thus, their PR skills sucked.

At any rate, that is not the point of my post today. It was merely fluff to entertain you. Are you entertained?

I am.

Okay... so while I worked for this group, before the smaller group joined a larger group of doctors and we went from being a mom-n-pop organization to a mammoth group akin to horrific corporate America, they hired a director who was a bitch from hell. In one month flat, she came in and the entire morale of the company tanked to painfully low levels. It was as if the light of the whole place had been sucked out and we were just one big, energy-draining, life-zapping black hole.

During this painful period, I felt myself wallowing in the dark and watching the Administrator - who was a woman whom I had come to love dearly - crash to depths of self beat-up unlike anything I could have imagined with her, all due to the presence of the Amazing Director. The doctors loved the beast of a woman and they willingly kissed her ass, all the while she was pridefully dismantling their entire organization behind their backs.

One day the Administrator and I were going through information regarding retirement. The doctors wanted a new plan and had assigned us the task of researching it. In the process of researching, I came across an ad that had a picture of a lake in autumn with a small row boat anchored to a cozy pier. The caption read...

How Much is Your Peace of Mind Worth?

With tears in my eyes, I cut it out and posted it where I could see it every day. I knew, already, that I was on my way out of there although it would take me about 18 more months to make the leap.

For over three months now, I have been making a go at being self-employed. It has been a moment to moment thing for me wherein I have reminded myself: In this moment I am safe. In this moment, everything I need is taken care of. In this moment, I have enough money. I would talk to myself like this literally each and every moment in the beginning.

The money flow has virtually stopped coming in. I am curious about that and wondering if I am hindering myself. Now I am facing the possibility of going back to work for someone else. I am terrified by the prospect, wondering if I will be able to pull it off - especially since I have had the taste of living in my genius. I am wondering if I will be able to still do all that I am doing, be all that I am being AND do a job.

In a business meeting the other night, the marketing pro I was interviewing to be a part of my near-future business venture said to me, "It's a proven fact that most people fail because they just give up too early." And so I am wondering... is me taking on a job giving up too early?

I am looking at my options. What do I want to create? How do I want it to look? How do I want to feel? How do I want the universe to support me? How do I want the money to come in? What amount of money do I want to create? I feel like I am in a different space now, when it comes to finding and taking a job. I feel more empowered and I now know in my body just how much my peace of mind is worth.

It's priceless.