Some days, I am still shocked by that awareness. Some days, I am amazed by what it feels like to actually BE ALIVE rather than simply existing. I remember back, just over a year ago, when I had no idea that I wasn't alive, all while thinking I was. My life today in comparison to my life then is such a stark contrast.
I feel sad. I feel happy. I feel angry. I feel scared. I feel sexual. I FEEL. All of those experiences are mine by divine right and design. I am a human being entitled to feeling. And opening myself up to that experience has created the most beautiful kind of magic indeed.
I am appreciating myself for creating this life and am aware that my posts are beginning to sound monotonously peppy and all "Love and Light". I figure, I gotta get it when the getting is good, ya know. I am going to wallow in this delicious happiness and aliveness. And I am going to share it here because, I fear, there will come a time when the giddy sensations of aliveness will give way to duldrums and misery. And, if that dark cloud descends, I will have a spot of brightness to which I can return to remind me that...
I
CREATE
MY
REALITY
Soooooo... with that in mind, I'm creating myself beautiful today. How about you?
2 comments:
Angie,
"Love & Light" are eternally yours--they give off the spark in your eyes, the tilt in your smile, the rhythm of your breath--and they CAN indeed be known and felt even during the dark storms of depression and doubt (after all, what gives the lightening strikes of furious tears their energy?). . . . I have been through deep depression, and it was inside that depression that I actually found my "love & light," and once you claim them as yours and that which moves you, I have found nothing with the power to match the spark of who we are. So, just try and take some courage in that, and don't expect the darkness to consume you entirely ... because, you know, without our shadows, what is there to balance and brighten our Light???. . . .
Most Sincerely,
Kristen
I have a tendency to wax over-positive. A couple years ago, I got feedback from a close friend that my writing seemed eternally upbeat and it was becoming exhausting. "A person can't always be that happy, Angie," she said. "Write about your real life." I considered that. I write about what moves me, what touches me and how I am feeling in that moment. I am aware that, as of late, that has been a really good place to be and was giving notice to that! :)
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