One Would Think

Yes, indeed! One would think that given all my positive mental attitude stuff I've got goin' for me and the fact that I am flying free that I would be all healthy and happy. Yes, well. One wouldn't want things to be too good now, would one?

Happy? Yes.

Healthy? Not so much.

My daughter brought home from her father's house a nice "change of season" illness. I, apparently, still have a weakened immune system from my walk through the Nile last year so I take on anything that breezes by me. Thus, I now am enjoying a thoroughly congested system and coughing, once again and delightfully so, so hard that I am wetting myself. Damn. I feel old.

This upcoming bit may be TMI (too much information for those who are deficient in textese) on the personal front... but... I think I passed some tapeworms yesterday!!!! OH! MY! GOD! Talk about gross and feeling all third-world-ish. Yeah. That's me. I have no idea how I got them and I am calling them tapeworms because they looked like slender fettucini noodles (Ye-eah... I am NEVER gonna eat fettucini again!) and according to the image search I did (which, in and of itself, was enough to make me never eat ANYTHING again) regarding intestinal worms, "tapeworms" most closely matched what was expelled from my body. And did I say it already? OH! MY! GOD!!!!!

Okay... more possible TMI... it is quite startling to stand up, turn around to flush the toilet after doing my "business" and see white noodle-like substances floating in the excrement!!! I about passed out. What the...???!???! I am an American, for godssake! This sort of stuff only happens in third world countries.

Sooooo... I stood there... now what do I do???! I stared at the toilet feeling all dirty and ashamed - for some reason. I was curious about that shame/guilt part. Still don't understand that feeling. I felt like I wanted to hide away. That, somehow, I was no longer good enough for the human race in general, let alone America. Somehow these parasites had made me less of a person.

I had been feeling sick, though, for several days so I rationalized that, perhaps it was undigested food. Granted, I had never seen undigested food that looked like that but I was willing, at that point, to belief anything my feverish mind would concoct. Forgive me for telling you this, but I decided to fish out the offensive material with a fork (which I threw away, afterwards) to see, up close and personal, what the hell it was. As far as I could tell from standing up and staring in, it looked like there were clusters of noodles - two distinct clusters. Up close, it was not noodles. I have no idea if it was one worm that had broken up on discharge, or if it was a bunch of little worms. Either way... I am completely grossed out!!! (And I imagine you are, as well.)

However, it gets better (or worse, depending on your state of mind at this point)! One of the sites I perused regarding intestinal worms stated that some worms can be transmitted via mosquitos. Good God! Could it be that last year while I traversed the Nile there were worm eggs also incubating in me?!?! If only I could find that damn mosquito. I would toss him in acid and watch him squirm!

Soooooo... all night I dreamt of insect infestations - oh surprise! My body felt like I had vermin crawling all over it just under the skin. I dreamt my body was being taken over by ugliness. Ugh... I am tired today. And, surprisingly, I feel angry too. I wasn't expecting that one.

All I am hoping is that the worms I did release were the entire cult. It is time for a candida cleanse, for sure. I heard they thrive in yeast. Ugh...

ps... I was gonna post a lovely picture of a tapeworm for you to look at. However, I just could not do it. If you really want to see lots of yummy stuff about human intestinal worms, CLICK HERE and enjoy. Not!