Friday, August 08, 2008

TT - "Now What?"


Yesterday I said, "I wish it would rain all day long." Today, it is raining. The air smells clean and the atmosphere is cool and moist. I hear the droplets gently kissing the earth and washing away the schmutz that has coated the air for far too long.

For three months I have said, "Let me go." On Tuesday, it happened.

Be careful what you wish for. That is one of my favorite lines from one of my most favorite movies, "Practical Magic." Because I believe in magic, I also believe that what I put out there comes back threefold. However, I have never been able to grasp the fact that I can make a wish come true. Some of the simplest magic - manifesting.

As a child, I learned all sorts of superstitiously-based "magic," although it wasn't ever called "magic" in my world...

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may,
I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight
~~~
Step on a crack, break your mother's back
Step on a line, break your mother's spine
~~~
If you love someone,
Set them free
If they come back to you
They're yours
If they don't, it was never meant to be

Thing is, I never believed in any of that. Even as a child, I knew there was magic; I believed in magic. But that hooey-patooey garbage, I couldn't get behind. I felt hopeless, helpless, staring at the window and pleading with that star to grant my wish, all the while knowing it was complete horse crap. I knew if I accidentally hit a crack in the sidewalk that my mother would not fall down from a broken back. And, most of all, I knew that if I set my loved one free, they would never come back. Ever. So I clung to everyone for dear life.

It was odd growing up as a magical child in a totally unmagical world. In a world where magic was viewed as the hand of Satan and that all that even uttered the word were evil. It was difficult to be able to feel, hear and see things that others could not. It was harder still to turn it all off and deny who I was.

When I gave birth to a magical daughter almost eleven years ago, all that wakened in me. Suddenly I could see and hear and feel other dimensional beings and sensations again. Suddenly I remembered all I once knew. And, even with that remembrance, I still did not believe that I could call forth the wishes of my heart and have them granted.

Until lately.

Thing is, everyone can call into their lives that which they want. We are the creators of our own lives. Everyone is a manifestor of sort. However, being a conscious, purposeful manifestor is a whole new ball game. My mother is such a master manifestor. She can literally speak things into being. When it first started happening, we would giggle and look about as though we had done something truly awful. At first it would take days for things to happen. Now, it takes only a breath's-width of time to call it into being. For a couple years now, I have envied her power of manifesting, believing myself to be devoid of such a beautiful gift.

But it is happening. I am getting my wishes. I understand that I have been getting them all along, but I have been unwilling to own the results or even see them. I am getting my wishes faster and faster and I am finding myself surprised when I stop, look around, breathe deep and gasp I got my wish!

Now what?

That question has been the most exciting pivotal point I have come across in a long time. Now what?!

Now I have all the time in the world on my hands. Now I have the time to finish the process of publishing my first book. Now I have the time to put up my art for the world to see and take into their homes. Now I have the time to pursue my genius and my passion. Now I have time to step fully into myself and finally become that woman I have been waiting to recognize. Now!

I feel limitless and free. I feel excited and overflowing with joy and love. I feel peaceful and safe. I feel in every inch of my body my latest mantra: I believe in the abundance of the Universe and my financial needs are always met.

I have harnessed my own power. I have taken back myself.

Now what?

Now, I LIVE!

“Wish Upon a Star” by Jessie Wilcox-Smith found at http://www.art.com/asp/sp-asp/_/pd--10100766/Wish_Upon_a_Star.htm

8 comments:

Cele said...

Wow that is definately self empowerment, but I want to know about the financial part.

I do believe we are the master's of our own future, how we deal with now designs what we get in the future and how we deal with it. Embracing life with zest is far better than bemoaning life will perpetual woe.

Anonymous said...

This one hurt my one brain cell.

I posted. Took me days and days, but the topic definitely had me thinkin'.

And more thinkin'.

Still thinkin'.

I like what you wrote, Angie.

Angie K. Millgate said...

I love, Cele, how you said, "but I want to know about the financial part." My head is saying the same thing, "Yeah. But, what about money???!"

I have done a lot of meditating and "being" during the last few days. I keep getting reminded that RIGHT NOW is all I have and RIGHT NOW I am good in the money department. None of us know what the future holds. None of us. None of us know if we are going to be here in the next moment. All I know is, right now IN THIS MOMENT I am good. And that is all that matters. :)

And, Sid... aw damn! Sorry to have fried your one brain cell. I imagine your piece is brilliant - because all of them are IMHO. I am on my way over there right now to check it out! And, thank you for the compliment.

Cele said...

I have to say this topic challenged me too, I couldn't figure out what direction to approach it from.

Abgue, as long as the financial aspect works itself out for you that is all that counts.

Sith

Who's B? said...

Now What? What a wonderful topic and how lovely to hop on over here and read this because it is the precise question flowing through me constantly lately.

I, too, am learning that I receive what I ask for. I am noticing that I am not happy with some results and it is because my requests to the universe are unclear. So now I get to be more clear about what I want so my results reflect that.

Thanks for being a magical sister skipping along this path. So happy you are traveling with me. I get to glance over occasionally and see my life reflected through your words. How beautiful.

Angie K. Millgate said...

Oh, B!

Thank you, dear friend, for your support and for being here with me. YOU reflect to me all that I am and I see beauty. I LOVE THAT!

Unknown said...

I found this page today from a google search I ran, "as a child I knew there was magic" - yours was the only search result, and from your name "touch of the phoenix" I knew I had to look...
I can so fully relate to all that you have written...
Lately I find myself knowing that something is changing, that something big in happening in the cosmos, a "coming" I have been preparing for my entire life - the reason for my being (this time round). And as these changes take place, I find myself searching for kindred souls. I don't know if we are on the same path, but I must ask, does the 11:11 touch your life? Rachel

Angie K. Millgate said...

Hello Rachel. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a remembrance of your visit here. I am very touched.

For a long time, I have been aware of the Master Numbers and have had a blast playing with my digital clocks, glancing up at just the perfect moment to realize I have, once again, caught a Master Moment. 11:11 is powerful for me and I feel the energy igniting within me and others around me. It's happening, sure as gravity exists.

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