TT - "Change"

I looked around. The meadow was full of brilliantly colored wildflowers and golden grasses which were bowing in the gentle breeze. The noonday sun was brilliant and warm, causing the grasses to appear white at times. The southernmost border of the meadow was embraced by a lush evergreen forest and, to the east was a cozy cabin with an inviting porch. To the west, somewhere beyond where I could see or hear but sensed innately, there was an ocean.

When I turned to the north, I was curious to see a building materializing beyond the aspen grove. I walked toward it, holding out my hands at waist height to brush against the grasses. I relished the tickling sensation, the smell of damp soil and decomposing flora, the feel of the wind on my face and blowing back my hair, and the sound of my feet walking surely upon the ground.

“This structure,” my guide said, “Is you.”

I balked for a moment, silently arguing in my head and wanting to yell at her. “That’s ridiculous! How can this building be me?”

I felt a stirring rush through the room and mused that others were having the same sort of reaction as I. For a moment, I struggled to make the building look like me until I eventually gave up and decided to allow this 36-floor building which was sorely out of place in my meadow to actually be me. Steadying myself back to center, I breathed with concentrated evenness and allowed myself to fall deeper into the meditation.

“You notice a door high up on the structure...” Yep. There it was. “That is your ear. Go there...”

I teleported there, not needing any escalator or ladder. There was no need to fuss with old fashioned means of transportation, I just suddenly found myself there and walking around inside what I was soon to be told was my head.

I was interested to see that inside the building was cool, calm and peaceful. It was decorated in velvets and satins the colors of the richest red wines. The woods were solid, expensively glossed and the carpets were thick and lush. Everywhere I looked there was luxurious elegance. The floor I was on – thirty-six floors above ground – overlooked the city with a limitless perspective. The details were indistinct and there was a cloud of smog draped along the horizons, yet I felt as though I could see forever.

We ventured to our heart via an elevator through our throat, where we paused to discover what we would hear. My guide kept prompting us to listen to what we heard and offering up one suggestion after another about what we could possibly hear until I only could hear my brain screaming, “Shut up already so I CAN hear myself!” In that moment I wondered how often I had other people’s words cramming my throat and ears, how often do I not speak my own words because I am allowing others to talk instead, how often do I keep myself quiet.

On to the heartspace we went. It was beautiful there. Mine was full of pink and gold sparkling, flowing satin. I was stunned by the beauty there. I felt safe and sacred and loved. I reminded myself I was in my heart and felt in my whole body the impact of the fact that, at my core, I AM LOVE.

“You are here, in your core. Your body has all the answers you could ever want. Ask your body what it is you want to know about the complaint you have brought with you today.”

I paused taken aback by the question that appeared. I had thought it would be something like, “How can I get skinny and sexy?” or “How can I get wealthy?” Instead, what showed up was, “How can I live in this space all the time?” I breathed into it and had to wait only a moment before the answer showed up...

Move and Breathe and Love and Believe.

Movement, breathing, loving and believing. It is who I am. It is what I am here to do and my body understood.

“Thank your heartspace...” my guide went on to say and I realized that the material from my heart was wrapping around me in a luxurious spiral. It flowed around me and through me and filled the spaces. My elevator headed back up to the ear and passed my throat where there was the same spiraling, flowing material from my heart. And now there was symphonic ecstasy accompanying the ribbon dance.

Back on the 36th floor, I discovered that the décor felt more opulent and lavish. The view out the window was clear and precise, uninterrupted by smog or clouds. I could see distinct details for forever in colors as luminous as new acrylic paints.

“What do you notice now?” She asked. “Do you hear any sounds? Is anything different?”

I stopped in the center of the room turning this way and that. I was aware that I wanted to explore beyond the dividing walls of the space I was in, but only because I was curious what was on the other side. I was aware that I wasn’t seeking anything or anyone. And then everything in me stopped for a moment and a subtle shift changed every aspect of me.

The only sound in that space was me. The only person in that space was me.

I was completely and utterly alone and, for the first time in my life, I was completely and utterly at peace with that. I am alone. I can do this. I am alone and it’s okay.

“I feel,” I shyly shared with my friend afterward in surprise, “rich, luxurious and sexy.”

Not one thing had changed in the 90 minutes I had been there and, yet, everything had.