The Essence of Life

The Essence of Life

I drove through the parking lot enveloped in a reverie of imagination and endorphins. I felt so happy and light, as though every single thing was exactly perfect in my world. As though, at that very moment, I was exactly perfect. It was a rare occurrence for me. Mostly, my mind is muddled with thoughts of "I should be this or that or there." The space of "everything is exactly perfect right now" is such a yummy space and, when I land in it, I open my senses wide to soak it all in. I feel excited to know that this space of liquid warmth and love is becoming more familiar to me. I land here more frequently and stay for longer periods of time. And, it was there, in that yummy space yesterday, that I realized I feel so wonderful there because I am in my essence. I am alive. I am being! And then the most amazing thing of all crept into my being: It is yummy because I am yummy! At that moment, drifting on golden lusciousness, I spied a mother escorting her cart and her young daughter through the parking lot. The daughter, a wiry five year old, was longing to spread her wings and fly. As she inched away from her mother, she wore a look of wonder and a sense of "I can do this on my own!" The mother, in her loving panic, called out her daughter's name and leapt toward the girl to grab her shoulder in an attempt to keep her from rushing toward the oncoming traffic - me. In a flash, I was a young mother again watching my daughter careen through the parking lots and streets without a fear. She had an innate sense that she was always safe. Without looking this way or that, she simply knew that she was safe. Even more spectacular... she knew that she was safe, even when I wasn't holding her hand. I remembered how many times, when I would be out with my daughter, mother and aunt, and the other ladies would be freaking out because I allowed my daughter to fly, to follow her own intuition to go where she needed. She always stayed within my line of vision and there was something magical about relying on our intuition to know that all was well. The past and the present collided for me and I smiled at the tired mother who only wanted to keep her baby safe and the child who was feeling frustrated for having her wings clipped. I thought about my daughter and how precocious she is and what an amazing gift she has been in my life. I thought about all the times she has flown from my grasp to explore and to learn, always coming back to touch my hand and hold close to me for a moment before flying away again. I thought about how much she has taught me about being safe. Safe by myself, for myself. I realized I was safe there. I am safe in me. I am safe in my space. There, in the parking lot of a grocery store - such a mundane place to have a life-altering moment - I opened my eyes and realized that when I am in me, I am safe. And, while it is fun to have someone to hold my hand or maybe remind me to look both ways, I know, now, that I am always safe when I am in my essence. ©Angie K. Millgate 5/4/08