When a person leaves a church, let's say The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, why does it seem there is this need to continually prove to themselves - and the world - that said church is wrong/bad/untrue/stupid/etc?
Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of wailing sessions and there have been times when I have felt bitter and angry. Especially when I am privy to hearing the entire General Conference talk entitled Mothers Who Know which was presented by the General Relief Society President, Julie B. Beck. (Which, once finding the previous link, I attempted to read through it again. I felt more angry this time and didn't even make it to the third paragraph of the lengthy talk. I believe that particular talk, while annoying in it's repetitive nature, [isn't that what makes any religion work; the repetition?] it is also proof, yet again, that The Church presents a picture of perfectness that no human woman is able to live up to...)
And see... there you have it. Another moment of me getting on my soapbox to report my findings against The Only True Church on the Face of the Earth.
*sigh*
That is so not what I was going for today.
I was truly wondering why so many of us whom have left The Church feel a need to shout against it? It can't be to sway the faithful away from their religion. First and foremost, because a faithful member would not even venture into the realm of the disbelievers. Secondly... well... see the first.
So why rage? It's everywhere. In the news. In the movies. In conversations at parties. And, even here, in bloggerland. I enjoy reading the comedic stances some of my friends have taken. And have even joined a new e-Ward, taken a calling as Deliverance Syndicate Leader, laughing all the way to my designated pew and feeling honored to be a part of a community again. (Because, let's face it, when one leaves The Church, one is not only leaving The Church, but the community, the society, the family and the friends all at the same time. And, even when one wants to be away from all that, unless one finds another pack to become a member of, it is lonely wandering in the desert alone.) However, there are some blogs out here that their entire focus is against The Church. Why?
Are the Once-Members-Now-So-Not-Members who are choosing to rage against the machine doing it in an attempt to create their own church, of sorts, wherein they are accepted and people understand them, even get behind them and commiserate with them? Is it possible that, in our leaving of The Church, we feel that we need to rally the troops around us to support our cause? Is it a matter of safety in numbers?
Or... could it be... hmmmm....
Being raised in The Church, I was taught to bear my testimony often, at every opportunity I received. I was told to bear it, especially, in the presence of non-Mormons, with the hope that my undying belief and faith in said church would inspire another to learn of it themselves. I was taught "every member a missionary" and that I could do my part by imparting my faith to others who were seeking the truth and by sharing the Articles of Faith. (I personally think it was really nifty for The Church to create the Articles of Faith [which were originally only a letter from Joseph Smith and were later voted into the scriptures by the members] so that every member [who is required to memorize said Articles] is presenting the very same thing about The Church.)
Is this new battle cry our testimony now? I bear my testimony that I know, with every fiber of my being, that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the only UNtrue church on the face of the earth... - And is this new testimony something we now choose to bear every day of our lives, rather than just at Fast and Testimony meeting?
Could it be that?
Hmmmmmm....
5 comments:
I think I used to believe that there was no need to 'rage' against the church because I had left it far behind.
However, I also have gay friends, and there is, at times, a real need to rally and be politically aware of the issues that face GLBTQ people, so that anyone with another agenda will have difficulty in taking away bits of individual identities and the collective identity of experiencing life as a GLBTQ person. Also, the expression of solidarity whether in a rally, a church service or a rock concert is an intoxicating experience.
I think what the internet has done is to put ex-mo people in touch so that they can forge an identity (individual and collective) that allows them to be strong in the face of those (friends, family or colleagues) who may make it difficult for them. It's a way of supporting each other and it's also a way of differentiating your group from another group, which is, I believe, one of those tribal characteristics that allows us to form bonds with like-minded people. It's not back-biting, as such, and I doubt that anyone really wants to form their own church (I don't think there's a need for another new movement these days) but it is quite fun to discuss how we would set up a more utopian community. Unfortunately, we would probably be just as successful at being open and welcoming as any other established group. We would probably fall back into some of the same traps as the Mormons, because Mormonism is part of our collective cultural history. That is, of course, only my opinion.
I've left most of my rage behind, but I have a friend who is doing exactly what you said--constantly trying to PROOOOOVE. It gets tiresome. I do believe, however, that it's natural because the Church is like a giant machine; the cogs keep turning and people are still getting squashed in it. And they're so fucking smug. That's the thing. Smug that they are successful, "right", the one and only truth. I think it's natural for people to want to debunk anything that is absolute in it's own perception. My thoughts...great post.
xoja
Bishop Aitch
Thank you so much for dropping by for a visit. I feel so honored. :) But then, again, I think that the Bishop and the Deliverance Syndicate Leader are SUPPOSED to have a "special" relationship, aren't we?! ;)
I appreciate your input, H. I agree, though, after living in that culture as long as I have, I imagine there are parts of me that would revert back to that same way... it seems to be part of my DNA now.
Juls~
I had never thought about the natural tendency to want to "prove wrong" someone/something who claims to be 100% right ALL THE TIME. Thanks for bringing that up. I mean, if I think about my relationship with people like that, I know that I am willing to go to great lengths to prove their wrongness. However, I am doing it mostly to prove that I am RIGHT. And it gets me nowhere... sorta how I feel about this raging against The Church. They don't care what I think, feel or say (until I say it big enough with enough money behind me to fight them) and they still get to go on being "right" and all I get is tired.
Then I think about the saying that is popular in my training groups: "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
*sigh*
Hey, thanks for inviting me over. I don't make it to too many blogs these days, and barely keep mine up.
I've heard this question before, and I second what hm-uk and julieann both said.
I think exmos getting together and talking about the church IS something of a anti-testimony meeting. It feels good to get together with like-minded people (at least on that common ground of church-leaving) and support each other. But I was never a testimony-bearer as a member, so I don't think I'm just following an old pattern. Some people might be.
While my blog talks about my experience in the church and in adjustment to life afterward, I don't consider my blog to be trying to PROVE anything. Rage, sure, sometimes. But I honestly don't view my blog as against the church. I realize that members would, but I don't. I see it more as a virtual therapy session, working out my new life from the old one. Make sense.
And the community is a big thing. We need community. Humans need community.
FTA~
Thanks for taking the time to read this particular post of mine. After I invited you over to read it, I fretted about it, afraid that you may think I was referring to YOU as being one of the people ranting and raving. When that actually wasn't the case. I was moved by your honest approach to writing out your feelings about leaving The Church and was really impressed by being allowed into your journal. I just happened to be reading many other blogs that same day - some of which were off the wall angry at The Church and yelling about all sorts of "untrue-ness" of the religion. I was curious about that.
I am grateful to have a few like-minded people with whom I can share a few laughs about the common past we share. As well as understand the weird things that stick with us. Phrases like "with every fiber of my being" and the such... LOL
With love,
Angie
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