Thank You, Amen

When I was growing up, there was a very specific way to pray.

One must pray in a proper position - arms crossed tightly across chest, head bowed respectfully, eyes firmly shut. If one could kneel, all the better! (I remember many a time that I begrudgingly got to my knees at the dinner table upon my father's insistence. It just seemed so... wrong. I also remember many times as a teen where I would pray while lying in my bed because I was too tired to move. I would feel torn apart by guilt for not getting out of my bed to kneel and would eventually stop praying. Although, if I paid attention to myself, lying there with my arms widespread, talking quietly to the night, I felt more connected to Heaven then than at any other time.)

One must use proper language - thee, thine, yea, thou.

One must use the proper format - address, gratitudes, requests, closing. Begin with addressing in one of such ways: Dear Heavenly Father... Our Father which art in heaven (that one got huge kudos because you were able to get in bonus proper language)... Dear Father in Heaven... Never, never, never under any circumstance was one to start with a simple Dear God. Follow this with your gratitudes. Always be thankful before asking for anything. That was just good form. And be careful to bridge between the gratitudes and the requests, so that they didn't all get jumbled together in one paragraph. Statement/questions such as we are grateful for this food and ask thee to bless it that it may nourish and strengthen our bodies was a good segue from the gratitudes to the requests for blessings. The closing always must be in Jesus's name. (I never understood why, but apparently we were supposed to talk to our Heavenly Father only through Jesus. Go figure.) Acceptable ways for one to close would be In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen... In the name of our elder brother, Jesus, Amen... In the name of our elder brother and savior, Jesus Christ, Amen... It seemed that the more wonderful attributes one could add to Jesus in the closing, the better. The first option, however, was the sturdy stand by used most often.

When I left The Church, I stopped praying.

During my journey of self-discovery and spirituality (two distinctly different things while, conversely, being one in the same) I have thought a lot about praying. Knowing what I now know about manifesting and pulling on Divine energy, I was really confused by the proper form I was taught to follow. It was all crossed up, crossed off, blocked off and closed. No information could get in through the heart as it was blocked by both arms protectively crossed over the chest. No information could get in through the hands because they were wrapped up in the armpits or bend of the elbows. No information could get in through the eyes because they were averted and closed. No information could get in through the crown because it too was averted and not in alignment with heaven. The voice was strangled because the throat chakra was bent. I mean, there was nothing about the form that suggested openness.

Now I know that this form was probably thought up so that people could still their minds, eyes, souls enough to have a conversation with God, especially the children. But, shouldn't there come a time when the person is adult enough to be calm without proper form? Doesn't there come a time when one should learn to really connect with their Higher Power without all the pomp and circumstance or ritual and rigor?

As the years have passed, I have began to pray again. It is drastically different than back then. It is a conversation devoid of thee's and thou's and follows a lilting path all its own. I have since come to believe that I am blessed with all I need and want right in that moment. I believe that, in being grateful, I manifest through the Divine that which is already mine. I believe that everything is there, right now and that asking for it to show up is disrespectful to myself, the Universe and to God. It shows a lack of faith. Therefore, when praying, I only share my gratitudes, as there is no need to ask for blessings. I just need to be thankful for the blessings.

I also don't address the prayer, as though I am addressing an envelope. God knows I am talking to Him/Her/Them. There is no need for some heavenly post master general to search out the proper location. I just talk and feel assured that someone is listening. And, everything that was once closed or blocked or bent is now opened to receive. And not really having an understanding of what the word "Amen" means, I just close with a simple "thank you."

When I first moved in here with Dad, I knew the subject of prayer was going to come up. He still follows the same strict rules about praying, especially at meal time. I knew that I would be asked to pray over the food and I felt afraid. I felt scared to be judged by him. When the moment came, I said, "I pray differently now."

They agreed to allow me to pray my way (I would pray no other way). I prayed with my eyes, throat, heart and hands opened. I spoke from my heart, speaking out my gratitudes. In the end, I did add an "Amen" so that they would know when I was done. His wife said, "Well that wasn't that different."

I have taught my daughter this way of praying, this being grateful. This morning, before we ate our breakfast, I asked her if she wanted to give the thanks.

She smiled and placed her hands palm up and widespread on the table top.

We are thankful for a warm place to come to when our days are done. We are thankful for an occupation and education. We are thankful for family and friends. Thank you! Amen!

Maybe I am not such a bad mom after all...