I just wrote an entire piece of a really horrible memory I just lived through and was editing it for gramatical errors. In doing so, I accidentally selected the entire piece and deleted it. Gone. Totally gone.
Damn it.
Apparently this is not one that was meant to be read...
2 comments:
Or, perhaps the act of deleting it was more conscious and subliminal than you realize. Maybe, you're just suppose to let it go...
Maybe writing it all out was the first step. Maybe attempting to edit it was trying to soften a horrible situation that just simply needed to remain what it was: a horrible situation. Maybe deleting it was your soul's way of say, it is done and I am moving on...
Maybe I'm just full of it and should go away now. What the hell do I know?!
I'm sorry all your hard work and emotion are gone. I've experienced that and it leaves you with a sinking, sick feeling. Sometimes, though, after that initial feeling passes, you feel liberated.
Like I said, I'm going away now...
JMT...
I had the thought while I was reading your comments that I am grateful we tripped onto one another's paths and that I would feel sad if you went away for long.
At first, when I realized what happened, I felt this wailing "NOooooooooooooooooo" course through me. Then I thought for a moment should I recreate the blog? The answering "NO!" was so resounding and solid that I had no choice but to call it good.
I am grateful for that... it was such a horrible memory that I had forgotten about that accosted me yesterday as I turned onto that road, SR 111. Writing out the ugliness was horribly painful.
Then, after I posted this mostly-empty post, I felt relief. It is the past and it IS done and I don't need to go back.
I was curious, though, why the memory came up so strong and fierce in that moment.
Then I had the thought that I must have been in a good place within myself, a place where I feel strong, certain and whole so that I could face the demons that were hiding in the darkness of that night so long ago.
Thanks for being here, J! I appreciate your feedback and our interchanges.
With love,
Abgue :)
Post a Comment