Time…
Since our family recently welcomed in a new little spirit, I have been thinking a lot about time. It is a precious gift we have been given – each of us has been allotted 24 hours every day. It is a finite commodity with which we can do as we see fit.
Some believe that it is possible to travel backward through time because it has already happened, therefore it exists, whereas you cannot go to the future because it has not yet come to be. Amongst these people, there is a common thread in their dissertations: if you travel into your past, you must, under no circumstances, change anything. Doing so creates paradigm shifts of exponential proportions, usually disastrously so.
There are others that believe you can travel any direction in time because time is infinite – it never ends and it never begins. Therefore, it always is. These people, for the most part, also hold to the “don’t change a thing” theory. I have often wondered, other than for fun, what would be the point of wandering through time if I can’t change anything?
A friend and I were recently talking about our marriages and relationships wherein we crashed and burned. He asked me the age old question, “If you could go back, knowing all that you know now and taking that knowledge with you, would you do it all again?”
Would I?
“You get to ignore the experts too,” he added, “and change whatever you want without having a catastrophic effect.”
Hmmmmm…Would I?
I like who I am today. I like this woman I have become and I have become who I am because of all I have experienced. One little decision made differently would have ended me up in a much different place – granted, it could have been miraculously better. It also could have been devastatingly worse.
There are, of course, things I wonder about and maybe I would go back to simply watch those events unfurl. Like, what would my life have been like if that boy I loved with all my heart back then had asked me to marry him instead of another? What would my life look like now if I had not followed through with my marriage and, if I hadn’t, where would my daughter be today? Where would my former husband be? Would he and I still be friends, like we are today? What would I have experienced had I gone away to college? What would my life be like today if I my book had already been acquired and published?
My guess is, though, if I am willing to go backward, I am not going to simply get to watch my life anymore than I have this time around. I would have to live my life. I would have to follow the natural consequences of my choices in that go ‘round as well.
At any rate, in this dimension, in this space, time is finite. The only moment we have is now as the past is done and the future is not yet realized. In this space, we hold to the truth that only the present is ours. This tends to make us very conscious of our ticking clocks. It’s time to get up. It’s time to get dressed. It’s time to eat. It’s time to grow up. It’s time to get married. It’s time to have a baby. It’s time to grow old. It’s time… it’s time… it’s time…
Focusing so much energy on the finite moments of our lives can be exhausting. I have noticed, though, that I can create magic with my time. When I am doing something I love with a fiery passion – writing, art, dancing – endless hours can pass like a blink of my eye. I have also noticed that when I am doing something that is not congruent with who I am like, for instance, almost any given day when I am at my j-o-b, I begin focusing on the minutes that are ticking past and then a blink of my eye can last endless hours.
My daughter is the oldest grandchild on both sides of her families and my side just recently added that beautiful baby boy to our team. I look at him, then I look at my daughter in contrast and I am baffled. She is almost nine and a half years old. I find myself wondering how I blinked and nine and a half years zoomed passed. How did this all go so fast?
I have heard my “elders” speak about how time flies the older one gets. I can bet that you have heard that a time or two, as well. So, how is it that something that is so finite can change by perception?
I recently realized that time truly is a perception. The more I stare at the clock, the more it rebels and sticks, the second hand jumping forward and back indefinitely in the same spot. When I am doing what I love, whether that be writing or facilitating in the healing of another, I become timeless. And, amazingly enough, I can bend time to my will. I think the key is being in my authenticity. Time bows down to power of genuine genius.
Upon realizing that, I decided that my time is too precious to be wasted. I have decided to choose to live more fully in my genius. And, until my geniuses are financially supporting my life, then I will choose to view the day-job I have as a profound blessing. I can focus my “free time” energy on creating in my genius, instead of having to look for work or stressing about how to pay my bills.
And, with that, I am going to make more time for embracing those I love. Because, in the end, isn’t that all that is really important?
©Angie K. Millgate 1/22/07
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