More from FHS 1500-042

I am really enjoying this class and loving the papers I get to write for it. Here is another one I'm proud of:


For most of my life, the terminologies “self-understanding” and “self-esteem” were something I understood on some level in my brain, but didn’t understand as an overall concept. When people would talk to me about these concepts or ask me if I had good self-esteem, I would stare at them blankly, having no idea if I did or did not. In reading our text, the definition of self-esteem helped me to understand that self-esteem is actually how I view myself as a whole. (Santrock, 2008, p. 395)

The definition of self-understanding, however, was seemingly vague and I had to really ponder what it meant for me as I contemplated the words: “the cognitive representation of the self, the substance of self-conceptions.” (Santrock, 2008, p. 388) When I read that, I stared at the book for quite some time without any understanding of what it meant. I appreciated the examples as I read on and came to realize that self-understanding is how I categorize the roles I play in the world: I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, a dancer, a student, a teacher, a healer, an adult, etc.

When I was eight years old, I believed that my world was perfect and, for the most part, it was. It wasn’t until I got to be in my late 30’s that I began seeing that life was not as perfect as I thought it was. While I did not suffer from abuse, neglect or unkindness, both of my parents had as children. They each made a conscious choice to treat their children differently and therefore my siblings and I were simmered in an atmosphere of love and safety.

However, as I have grown up, I've exhibited signs of childhood abuse. This has led me down a very curious path of discovery and has helped me to develop some intensive healing work for my clients. In the process of self-discovery in the last decade, I have asked myself several times about my self-esteem, self-love and self-understanding at various stages in my life.

What I’ve come to understand is that, as an eight year old, my life WAS divine. I was loved. I was cared for. I had a roof over my head and a bed in which I slept safely at night. I had food in my belly and plenty in the cupboards. I was enrolled in dance and witnessed my parents supporting my siblings and me in whatever we chose to do. At eight, I was the epitome of self-love. I thought I was a pretty cool kid. My self-esteem was high, but I didn’t really know who I was. I had self-understanding in that I was able to see and understand the categories in which I fit – daughter, sister, dancer, student, etc – but I had no idea who I was outside those labels and had an innate feeling that I was more than what the labels indicated.

Not knowing who I was continued on throughout my life, as did the feeling that I was more than my labels. As a teenager, I deeply disliked myself. Fourteen years old, for me, was a tumultuous, painful period of my life. I felt like an outcast and never fit in with the girls in my new neighborhood. They all had boyfriends. No boys liked me and, instead, they teased or ignored me. I was short and my body was curvaceous. My friends’ bodies were lengthy and tiny. I felt fat and ugly and unwanted. My self-love was at an all-time low, as was my self-esteem. Although I still was very conscious of my categories – student, daughter, sister, dancer, in puberty, etc – there was an underlying current of “misfit” in every aspect of my life. There was no way I could have understood myself and neither could anyone around me.

Today, around 28 years later, I would say that the last 13 years have taught me who I am and I’ve developed a self-understanding that is the foundation of who I am now. This self-understanding has created ground from which I can build self-love and self-trust and it is more than the categories with which I identify for my life. I’ve found a deep, soul-level understanding of myself that goes beyond the boundaries of earthly categories and labels. I understand myself and I utterly love the woman I am and the journey that I have travelled to become this woman. While I’ve done a lot in my life that many people did not understand, I’m grateful for every step of the way and esteem myself for being brave enough to become the woman I am.

More on FHS 1500-042

I'm really appreciating my Life-Span Development class. It is providing me the opportunity to truly reflect on my life and has immersed me in gratitude and love. Today I had to write a paper about if I felt my parents had influenced my identity. I want to post it here because I believe it is an awesome tribute to my parents. I love you Mom and Dad!!!

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In my training as a life-coach, I have learned that humans develop their core beliefs – their entire belief structure upon which all programs and relating patterns are built – before the age of 6; even before their brain has developed logical thinking ability. I’ve also learned that the training children receive from their parents must be fully intact prior to the child hitting their teenage years. As they enter their teenage years, children turn away from their parents to assert their individuality and toward their peers to find acceptance. The need to belong to a “tribe” grows as puberty sends hormones coursing through their bodies.

I’ve always believed that the teaching a child receives at a tender age is the teaching that lasts and that it is that teaching that forms the basis for which identity is built upon. I grew up in a home with a strict religious construct. I learned my values and morals through this religious upbringing and through the teachings of my parents. Even though I am no longer religious, I still adhere to those basic teachings and that basic “goodness” is a huge part of my identity. My parents most certainly influenced my identity and, for that, I am very grateful. I’ve been blessed with amazing parents and they started me out right.

I was excited to read in the text about how big of an influence family is on a person’s identity. (Santrock, 2008, p. 408) I’ve been witness to the power of a loving family in raising up individuals with healthy identity. I’ve also been witness to the destruction brought on by parents who are not interactive in the lives of their children. I know without a doubt that I am the caliber of woman I am today because of my parents.

Really Curious

Sooooo... I'm REALLY curious about something...

I have heard so often in my life about people who go to school full time to get their degree and don't work and they have all their expenses covered. In fact, I have several cousins who are now doctors who claim they were able to do that. How in THE hell do people do that??? I've gone back to school full time, starting this summer (crazy me! I started in the summer!) and I've filled out so many scholarship forms and financial aid forms and every possible form related to money that I feel like my hand is going to drop off. Thing is, though, while I did get some money from my Federal Financial Aid, it was, by no stretch of anyone's imagination, anywhere near enough to get "all my expenses covered."

A friend recently said to me, "I would think, for a single mother going back to school full time to earn a degree and increase her possibilities for the future, that there would be some sort of money plan to support her in that."

Yeah. I agree. But, I haven't found that plan. I don't even know if it exists. Does it?

And, a few weeks ago, an extended family member said, "I heard that Obama passed a bill that if you were going to school full time, you got full unemployment benefits for two years without having to look for a job."

Really?!

So I went on a search.

Nope! Not true.

So, my question to you is... do you know someone who is going to school full time and getting "all their expenses" covered? And, if you do, HOW ARE THEY DOING IT?!!!

Appreciation for 04/19/10

(post number 1000! WOW!)

*Yesterday was a magical day! Had brunch with my dear friend, Lyndsey. Our sweet friend, Jane, from Myotherapy College, magically ended up in the same place as us so she joined us. *Got to meet Lyndsey's new beau and was surprised to discover I knew him from my life, pre-Myo! What a wild paradigm shift when I finally put it all together and realized that this loving, gentle Yoga teacher in front of me is also a doctor belonging to the group for whom I used to work six years ago!!! WOW! *Registered for school with no problem just after midnight so that I got the classes I needed. Quick, easy process. WHEW! Glad one more step is through. *Interestingly enough, I've got 16 credit hours scheduled. Four of the five classes are via internet. Cool. The remaining class is a FIVE-HOUR lecture class once a week for 8 weeks. FIVE HOURS!!! What the... who thought that up???! *Excited about two of the classes because they will fit in so nicely with the work I'm already doing and further my education in that field. Woohooooo! *What a gorgeous day outside! *Loving that excitement is breeding excitement. I'm finding beauty and joy where I'd never thought I'd find them before. ~ Man! Life IS good!

Grace in Small Things